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Old February 3 2013, 06:28 AM   #327
dayxday1000
Lieutenant Commander
 
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Re: Star Ship AJAX Production

Hey guys. Great work and thanks for providing a glimpse into Starship Ajax. And my compliments on restoring the Exter bridge! It's looking great so far and it's really nice to see it coming to life once again.

One mild criticism though: the exchange between the helmsman and Captain in which the helmsman says "May I remind the Captain that the landing party is expendable at this point!" seemed way off the mark to me. I felt it bordered on insubordinate to the point where the guy should have been relieved and sent to his quarters. I have no military experience, but I can't imagine speaking to my boss - let alone my commanding officer - in such a tone. It didn't strike me as believable either. He may not personally know the members of the landing party, but to pipe up and let everyone know how little he values their lives just seemed...off. Definitely not the type of officer I would want to serve with. Lastly, dialogue like "not on my watch" just screams fan film to me. I'm not sure what the writer's motivation for including that line is, but I believe the audience will base their view of the characters more on the characters actions than on their words. We don't need dialogue to tell us that the Captain is an honorable guy because we will see that in how he commands. I realize it's a work in progress and the actors are just getting to know their characters at this point. I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Nitpicking aside, kudos to everyone involved and I'm excited to see more!

Last edited by dayxday1000; February 3 2013 at 07:57 PM.
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