^LOL! I was just about to tell you to stop trying to solve it and let me rant in peace!
Seriously, my furniture is all old bordering on antique. Changing the handles would a) ruin the look, 2) be way more work than I am willing, much less able to put in, and c) ... well ... there was a "c)" when I started typing. Oh yeah, the drawers are too wide and heavy for a single central handle to work well.
The solution is new furniture! Yeah, that's going to happen...
I'll still try to solve it
Attach a cloth'y thing in the middle of the drawer -on the inside, let a part of it hang loose on the outside. -just ½ half an inch of it should do