milo bloom wrote:
In 5.5 years we have not found sufficient cause to use spankings, we cannot think of anything bad enough that the proper answer would be to hit him.
He has pushed our buttons, and I have found myself more forceful than I should have in moving him along or putting him into his room, and I've always ended up feeling bad even about that.
Apropos of nothing, my wife told me just a few years ago that she still flinches when I take my belt off when getting undressed, not from anything I've done of course, but from her punishments as a child. A thirty-mumble year old woman still flinching? Anybody want to say that doesn't cause long-lasting harm?
Do you know if her spanking was excessive? Because I used to live a very fearful life but even I didn't flinch each time my father raised a hand or touched a belt. Yes harsh amounts of spanking as in it was the only punishment, can cause lasting harm no doubt. But as you can see on here people are using spanking as a last resort, I don't think that would cause long lasting effects.
Even used as "last resort", it still feels like you're admitting that there's no other option and I just can't accept that. Even if it's repeat behavior, that uses time-outs or other things at first, then all of a sudden it's hitting, all that teaches a child is that you're not consistent. They don't learn not to do that behavior because they finally learn that it's wrong, they only learn not to do from fear of punishment (my wife and I also have no use for religion, I'm sure you can draw the parallels).
Too many parents see "misbehavior" as willful and that it needs to be quashed. Even if the child does seem to be actively engaging in a behavior that's not to your liking, that's what children do. Yes, they need to be shown the boundaries, that's what the parents are for. But not with hitting.