Kim: "I told
you we could conquer this planet. Will you promote me now?"
Chakotay: "We'll consider it, but the likelihood is low...this planet is uninhabited."
Janeway: "To be honest, Chakotay, Harry doesn't deserve a promotion for convincing us to conquer an uninhabited planet. I'll promote him when pigs fly." <brief pause> "On second thought, I don't want to take a chance that I might actually have to promote that wannabe that makes the cast of The Big Bang Theory look cool. Let me change that to 'I'll promote Harry if and when a woman agrees to date him.'"
Kim (to self): "This is genuinely scary. But I know Seven is acting her heart out for me...and I really do want that promotion."
EMH: "Well, according to Captain Janeway's Spacebook page, she has some misgivings but as a Starfleet officer with integrity, she's promoted you. But don't celebrate yet. Let me run a diagnostic to make sure my cognition subroutine isn't malfunctioning..."
Neelix: "Well I never thought I'd see the day, but congratulations on your promotion, Harry. To celebrate, I made this special dish."
Neelix (to self): "Dare we tell him that while he was promoted one level, everyone else was promoted two?"