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Old January 27 2013, 01:30 AM   #8
Deranged Nasat
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Location: ...But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete, when I wore a younger man's clothes.
Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Janeway (watching the screen): "Look at them, Seven. Look at this crew. My god, they make me sick. Spineless worms, the lot of them! All unworthy of service to the Great Janeway. Even knowing I monitor them at all times, they're slack in their duties. My Delta Quadrant empire won't forge itself!"

Seven: "Your reign of terror is becoming lax, Captain. I recommend a random punishment, to decrease morale".

Janeway (still in astrometrics, monitoring): "Excellent idea. But who? Hmm, I don't even know who those two crewmen are, they're so beneath my notice. I guess it's to be mister Kim then. Enforcer Seven, go give Mr. Kim his new assignment".

Seven: "You got that, handsome? The Captain wants you in the kitchen tonight. You're to prepare a meal worthy of her personage, a meal worthy of a queen! Failure will result in the harshest of penalties. Do you understand?"

Kim: *Gulp* "Yes, Mistress Seven!"

Kim: "I swear, these are the plants I need, Chakotay. Look, please, I'm desperate! Remember that time when you got Seska pregnant and I backed you when you begged the Captain not to space you, because Seska had supposedly raped you? Do you know what I risked for you? You owe me!"

Chakotay: "Damn you, Kim! Fine, we'll take these supplies onboard".

Neelix: "These look delicious, Harry, but I don't think the Captain will be impressed. She's in a foul, sadistic mood today. She had Carey disintegrated this morning when he misprogrammed the replicator and her morning coffee was crossed with fertilizer for the arboretum".

Paris: "Ooh, tough luck, Harry. I call dibs on your stuff! What do you think, Neelix, is he going out airlock two or three?"

Kim: "Don't write me off yet! I have a plan to get through this. Here, take one. There's enough for all the senior officers! Pass them round!"

Doctor: "A most impressive ploy, Mr. Kim. With the Captain and all the senior officers - by which I should say, all the organic senior officers - dead, I am the natural choice to assume command. The stalks of the Deathly Murderbush Plant are quite, quite deadly. Well done".

Kim: "I had to save myself somehow. Now, about that promotion...

Doctor: "You didn't say the magic words"

Kim: "About that promotion, Your Supremeness?"

Doctor: "Better. Okay, you're First Officer. And you get a rank of Commander".
We are all the sum of our tears. Too little and the ground is not fertile, and nothing can grow there. Too much, and the best of us is washed away.

Last edited by Deranged Nasat; January 27 2013 at 01:43 AM.
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