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Old January 27 2013, 01:30 AM   #8
Deranged Nasat
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Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Janeway (watching the screen): "Look at them, Seven. Look at this crew. My god, they make me sick. Spineless worms, the lot of them! All unworthy of service to the Great Janeway. Even knowing I monitor them at all times, they're slack in their duties. My Delta Quadrant empire won't forge itself!"

Seven: "Your reign of terror is becoming lax, Captain. I recommend a random punishment, to decrease morale".

Janeway (still in astrometrics, monitoring): "Excellent idea. But who? Hmm, I don't even know who those two crewmen are, they're so beneath my notice. I guess it's to be mister Kim then. Enforcer Seven, go give Mr. Kim his new assignment".

Seven: "You got that, handsome? The Captain wants you in the kitchen tonight. You're to prepare a meal worthy of her personage, a meal worthy of a queen! Failure will result in the harshest of penalties. Do you understand?"

Kim: *Gulp* "Yes, Mistress Seven!"

Kim: "I swear, these are the plants I need, Chakotay. Look, please, I'm desperate! Remember that time when you got Seska pregnant and I backed you when you begged the Captain not to space you, because Seska had supposedly raped you? Do you know what I risked for you? You owe me!"

Chakotay: "Damn you, Kim! Fine, we'll take these supplies onboard".

Neelix: "These look delicious, Harry, but I don't think the Captain will be impressed. She's in a foul, sadistic mood today. She had Carey disintegrated this morning when he misprogrammed the replicator and her morning coffee was crossed with fertilizer for the arboretum".

Paris: "Ooh, tough luck, Harry. I call dibs on your stuff! What do you think, Neelix, is he going out airlock two or three?"

Kim: "Don't write me off yet! I have a plan to get through this. Here, take one. There's enough for all the senior officers! Pass them round!"

Doctor: "A most impressive ploy, Mr. Kim. With the Captain and all the senior officers - by which I should say, all the organic senior officers - dead, I am the natural choice to assume command. The stalks of the Deathly Murderbush Plant are quite, quite deadly. Well done".

Kim: "I had to save myself somehow. Now, about that promotion...

Doctor: "You didn't say the magic words"

Kim: "About that promotion, Your Supremeness?"

Doctor: "Better. Okay, you're First Officer. And you get a rank of Commander".
"Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next door?"
"But there is no house next door."
"No? Then let's go build one!"

Last edited by Deranged Nasat; January 27 2013 at 01:43 AM.
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