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Old January 26 2013, 12:53 AM   #3
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Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

EMH: It says here, Mr. Kim, that your fate is to be decided upon by a vote of the senior staff. There are three choices - promotion, noogies and the airlock.
HK: I've already tried the last two. Can I just get the promotion this time?
EMH: Say pretty please.
HK: Pretty please.
EMH: Okay, Option One.

Neelix: I made a little something I like to call Noogie Surprise, Mr. Kim.
Paris: This isn't what noogies are.
HK: It does look kinda like food, unlike most of what you make.
Neelix: For that crack, I'm voting for airlock.
Paris: For that crack, I'm voting for promotion.

Chakotay: See, when you get promoted, you get to wear all sorts of crap in your pockets, just like I'm doing.
HK: All I want to do is emulate you. See, I've got a little crap in my pockets, too.
Chakotay: So you do. Option One.

HK: Where do I see myself in five years? Holding down your jobs, actually.
Two crewmen (in unison): Option Three.
HK: Damn, I was so close to passing the interview!

Torres: Have sex with me and I'll vote any way you like.
Chakotay: I like Option One.
Torres: Are you referring to sex or the vote?
Chakotay: What's your idea of Option Three?

Seven: I'll Option Three you like you've never been Option Three'd before.
HK: Uh, are we talking about the vote or sex?
Seven: There's a vote?

Janeway: The votes are in. It's broken down as follows - the EMH, Paris and Chakotay voted for Option One. Torres and you voted for Option Two. Apparently it's some new sex position, so we'll try that out later. Neelix and a couple of crewmen we'll never see again voted for Option Three.
Seven: I thought noogies were the position of man on top, woman in the Alpha Quadrant.
Janeway: More or less (she checks a PADD). Okay, looks like Suder, who isn't even in this caption contest, voted for Option Two. So it's up to me to break the tie.
Seven: Option One is also a sex position.
Janeway: Tell me more.
Seven: It's two women shoving a hedgehog out of an airlock. And then we wrestle in jello.
Janeway: Is it lime jello?
Seven: It can be.
Janeway: Then I'm voting for Option One.

And so, dear readers, this is how Harry Kim was promoted.
Oh, Stewardess! I speak Jive! (fanfic with all ratings). Author of Untrustworthy
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