I'm very sorry, Candlelight
While it is always terrible to lose someone near and dear to yourself, at least you were grated the opportunity to say goodbye. That doesn't sound like much of a comfort, but those of us who unexpectedly lost a friend or family member will propably agree that being unable to say goodbye is a rather traumatic experience, leading to years of what-if, if-only-I and why-didn't-I.
I'm not really good at expressing feelings in this language, I'm afraid. But if you need someone to talk to (or just someone to listen), please don't hesitate to contact me.