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Old January 13 2013, 05:42 PM   #58
YARN
Fleet Captain
 
Re: Describe if you will, a "real" Star Trek battle...

The Enterprise floating in space. Gleaming, majestic, a pale arrangement of saucers and cones drifting against a sheet of stars.

A Klingon vessel approaches...

The Real Battle

Warp factor 7 Mr. Sulu!

The Enterprise does not respond, because in reality there is no such thing as warp speed or warp engines.

She's not responding, Sir.

Impulse power, full reverse!


There is no such thing as impulse drive either.

Raise shields!


There are no shields.

Phasers!

There are no phasers.

Give me ship-to-ship, we'll tell them that we're meeting them in trust and friendship, but are prepared to act if they take hostile action.

No response from the Klingon-ship (in reality, there are no Klingons, although we could build a Klingon shaped ship, if we wished).

Spock! What's happening?

Captain, I suspect that we've entered an increasingly realistic universe. We will be without artificial gravity, subspace communication, and sensors in a few moments.


The crew begins floating. There is no such thing as artificial gravity in a realistic spaceship unless it uses acceleration or rotation. There are no gravity floor plates.

Captain, if we do not return to our universe we will die.

Sulu, take us back to our universe, now!

We don't have power Captain!

Don't give me that. Engage the imagination drive. It exists because I said so! What? You never thought it was curious that you could plot out complex courses in space by just hitting a few buttons? We are imaginary people! Use your imagination dammit!

Sulu floats to his console. Randomly hits a few buttons and turns a knob. The crew descend (with wires connected to the braces holding them up slightly visible) awkwardly back to the floor.

We have returned to imaginary space, Captain. Everything appears to be returning to normal.

Get us out here warp 15!

Warp 15?

Use your imagination! Let's go!



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