: Okay, that last engagement was a disaster. Crewman, I told you to fire a warning shot across the Borg's nose, not up it!
: Sorry sir! I'm doing my best!
: Who gave that man a phaser?
: I did sir. He's my cousin.
: Who is he?
: He's an asshole, sir.
: I know that! What's his name?
: That is his name sir. Asshole, Lt. Asshole!
: And his cousin?
: He's an asshole too sir. Ensign Philip Asshole!
: How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
[Everyone other than Picard, Worf, and Data raise their phaser rifle]
Entire Security Detail
: I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes! Alright, let's try this again, and keep firing, assholes!
: So, let me get this straight, we're in the 23rd Century and the most effective way you guys have to seal off quarters is some tape and a box with red and green lights? Where's the forcefield? Who's responsible for this piss-poor job of securing Spock's quarters?
: That would be me sir, Lt. Asshole.
: Forget it, I'm not doing this bit again...
: Mr. Spock, take a note: Chili night is to be cancelled from now on...