Kevin W. wrote:
The story starts in 2383.
Ah, okay, that wasn't made terribly clear at the outset. I'd thought this was occurring perhaps six-months to a year after the end of the war.
Your writing style is spare, but that's a good thing. I'm always having to go back and chop my stuff up because it's too wordy. Your character dialogue is solid, but you might consider punching up the narrative with a few more details to set the scene. The atmosphere or decorations of a certain compartment where a conversation is taking place, for instance, or a more detailed description of the characters' physical traits.
I noticed that you've dropped us right into the action without a lot of setup or back story. That's good to catch the reader's attention early, as you can always add more back story to the various characters later on as the tale progresses.
All in all, a good start.