"Self-loathing" has nothing to do with it. The reason we all enjoyed (despite its flaws) JJ's Trek is because it breathed real life and energy
into the franchise again. It was big and dynamic and fun, and captured the spirit of TOS better than any Trek ever has.
I adore the more sophisticated TNG and DS9 as well, but it's ridiculous to suggest that's the only
way Trek should ever be done from now on.
As for SW, I suspect the real reason JJ (and all those other directors) don't want to do it is because SW just doesn't seem all that cool to them anymore. The dull and overblown prequels killed their enthusiasm for this world just like it did for many of us.