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Old December 10 2012, 07:06 AM   #20
Rear Admiral
Location: Triskelion
Re: DS9 Caption Contest #65: What a fortunate turn of events!

Worf: It's just...when you call my girlfriend "Old Man" it feels like you're dishonoring my house.

Sisko: There you go, slugger. I knew you could share.

Worf: So you'll stop?

Sisko: Oh, no. No. Not after I've seen his low hanging fruit in the locker room, if you know what I mean.

No I do not do the Cardassian neck trick in the bedroom. Isn't that right, Major?

Believe me, he won't.

O'Brien: So I wonder how Ops is doing.

Bashir: Are you quite sure we should have outsourced it to the Pakleds?

Sisko: Just keep at it and we'll get through this, people. We've got a lot of decks to cover.

Worf: I do not believe a visual anion sweep has the same value. This is a false economy.

Sisko: I have to tick the little box on my report saying it was performed.

Kira: I don't care, I have the contract on the hazard cleanup crew that's going to mop up the biological waste after the station blows up.

Sisko: I don't care what you do, Major, as long as my box is ticked.

Dax: Anionanionanionanionanionanionanionanionanionanion .

Kira: Do you have the job ad for the station Intercultural Marketing Executive yet, Odo?

Yes, Major, here it is:
"Key Responsibilities:
Work with interstellar research suppliers to design, coordinate, and execute research projects in the telematics area from inception to completion.
  • Analyze primary and secondary research data, competitor actions, monitor exo-societal/technical trends, and review research in the telematics, subspace, and LCARS applications areas
  • Report and present findings, and make insightful and actionable recommendations/strategies to interplanetary authorities
  • Conceptualize new business models to bring innovative telematics solutions to spacefaring organizations.
  • Identify market/cost advantages, determine feasibility, risks, and temporal anomalies.
  • Collaborate with engineers to translate research conclusions into actual telematics projects/products/Starfleet materiel and intelligent energy clouds.

Space Requirements:

  • 1 – 2 years of experience in planetary research analysis needed
  • Bachelor degree in business focusing on market research, social science, statistics, exolinguistics or related field (advanced degree a plus) or Bachelor degree in Electrical or Mechanical Engineering with a MBA
  • Experience with a wide variety of qualitative and quantitative research techniques, and a fundamental understanding of advanced statistical concepts and astrogation
  • Knowledge of LCARS statistical software strongly preferred
  • Detail oriented with a strong work ethic and analytical thinking organ (preferably inside the body)
  • Strong report writing and universal translation skills
  • Ability to work well independently, within a team setting, and with artificial lifeforms.
  • MS Excel and PowerPoint skills required."
Kira: No, this isn't for an onboard Federation marketing position. This is for the Pakled branch.

Odo<deletes ad, taps some keys>: "Must flatter rich Federation Caucasians excessively, keep scorn for the Federation to yourself, and keep clothes on at work."

Kira: I don't know, Odo.

Odo: "Must flatter rich Federation Caucasians excessively."

Kira: Now that's a qualified intercultural marketing executive!

Odo: I look forward to deferring to his "worldview."

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