How about a compromise? Deep-frozen bacon?
Another saying I hate: may I ask you something
argh! You already did, so it'd be pointless for me to say "no, you may not" as it's too late now.
OH I HATE THAT.
It is truly horrible because I always assume it's going to be an unwanted personal question. A friend of mine prefaces all kinds of shit with that though, literally yesterday she used it and it was about modems. But she also uses it to start very horrible conversations about herself, in which after you say "no, I haven't ever (dreadfully personal thing)" she launches into all the ways she has.