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Old November 27 2012, 10:14 PM   #64
Dick Whitman
Fleet Captain
 
Location: Behind the mask of Donald Draper
Re: How do you deal with Depression?

There is no one to file a suit against. It was stupidity on my part.

After the accident I had no memory of what happened. I was found laying on the side of the road by someone driving by. I am not sure how long it was before I was found. But my parents were told if it had been a 30 minutes later I would have died.

Most of the memory has returned slowly since than. A few times a week I would go for a 45 to 60 minute ride before work. I work at night, so it was about 3 in the afternoon when I was found. I was less than a mile from my parents house. So I was almost home when it happened.

Part of the trouble of remembering at first, beyond the head trauma, was I took this route a lot. SO was I remembering that day or the day before. Its like remembering a day of work from a week or two ago. They are very similar.

I know that the bike gears were spinning without my control before that day. I rember thinking of taking it into to be fixed. But this was October in Wisconsin. It was not that bad and I knew it would be put in storage for the winter soon.

Others speculated that maybe I was trying to avoid a car. But other than a minor scratch on the paint it was the same as before the accident.

Now what I remember clearly is I was riding down a road that went down hill. But I was not found at the point when it started to level off. No, it was a couple of cars length further away from that.

I tried to coast down the road. I thought if I but on my brakes to hard I would flip over. What happened was I was going so fast it was hard for me to control my bike. So while I was able to coast it for a while it never slowed down completely and I started weaving. I did went off the road and smacked my head on a metal guard rail for a small creek.

I am not sure if I am doing a good job explaining all this. Looking back I think most of this memory was there but I did not want to remember. My last memory was being angry at myself for doing something stupid again!!!!!

The one part I am not sure of is I have a memory of hearing a song on my Ipod that made me think of the girl who broke up with me 2 days earlier. I got very upset. I was riding down that same hill when it happened. Now was it that day or the day before. I am not sure.

A lot was happening in my life at that time. I had to move back in with parents to save money. I almost moved in with that girl. But when my car died a few months before, the costs of a new one but me in a bad situation. I was hoping she would let me help her around her house with cleaning and stuff for a few months so I did not have to pay rent. So I could pay pay off some debits. But her x husband was a leach who made her support him. She thought I was going to do the same thing. But I am nothing like that. I am a janitor, I would have been more than happy to clean her house everyday.

SO as a favor to her, I moved back with my parents who I can't stand. Than the less we saw each other things feel apart.

She was supportive after the accident. She visited me in the hospital. We would hang out and I thought things might go back to normal. She gave me a lot of signs of that. We fooled around a lot. Though she said she was not sure. I still had a part of my skull waiting to be returned at this point.

SHe started seeing another guy, who she would tell me she was concerned he was not as good as me. ALso she has daughter, saying the daughters liked me more. All this time I would be flirty with her. She would say we were just friends but clearly liked the attention.

ANyways I could go on and on with this. We stayed "friends" until I moved in July. But it became the classic situation, can a man and women really be friends after they had sex together? NO. Not for me.

She has a history of having bad judgement in guys she is involved with. I slowly learned some of this and tired to ignore it. SHe was engaged in her early 20s to a guy she did not know for long. After they split, years later she learned he killed his next fiance after her. Her x husband, they were together 11 years, and have 2 daughters which I really like. The two of them had nothing in common! Its just bizarre.

The guy she started seeing after me, she moved in with right after I moved. THe same guy she thought did not give her enough attention. She can not be alone. Regardless of who it is.

Which raises questions for me. Was she with me at all because she has such low standards. What does that say about me?????

Last edited by Dick Whitman; November 27 2012 at 10:31 PM.
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