, you've already gotten lots of good advice, so I'll just wish you well and comment on this:
Donald Draper wrote:
Was it suicide? I don't think so. But I was being reckless in how I was riding. Maybe on some subconscious level it was.
Maybe (or maybe not, of course). Years ago when I was severely depressed, I did a lot of foolish stuff like crossing streets without looking. It took a while, but I eventually recognized that I was kind of passively suicidal.
I don't think it was a conscious or subconscious suicide attempt. In a country where weapons are so easlily available there'd have been numerous more effective ways. I think you were just absentminded.
Actually, firearms are used in only about half of suicides in the US.