Nerys Ghemor wrote:
I told my parents. I couldn't help it; I didn't (and often still don't) have that much of a filter when it came to what I told them. That, and home was a lot safer than school. I needed somewhere to feel safe. Even to this day I hear from some (either said about others or said to me) that it's a huge flaw that I'm very sensitive. I feel things deeply and cry easily, both when something bad happens to me, or if someone else is hurting. That, and being academically advanced, made me a huge target.
People perceived weakness. And the response was to either hurt me, or ask me to change my essential nature to be more like what they perceive to be "correct."
Still is, to this day, sometimes.
My mom tried to help. It didn't do much good because either well-meaning teachers made it worse, or the school administration joined in with the bullies in blaming me for it.
To this day, I still have a very, very hard time receiving a compliment for others. Part of my mind reacts to it like Admiral Ackbar: "IT'S A TRAP!" And usually in school, it was...bullies used to sometimes say something nice and then rip the rug right out from under me, absolutely humiliating me in front of everybody. I have a hard time trusting people--either trusting that others are being honest with me, or trusting that I am capable of holding up my end of a friendship.
Owain Taggart wrote:
I know what you mean, Nerys. Being bullied has made me more sensitive as well, and also I guess, more aware. For the longest time, I used to be a very shy unsociable person because of this, but have slowly worked my way out of my shell. And like you, I've tended to question even friendly approaches from people because I feared it would be another prank. I did have a prank happen that way too once, going so far as someone calling the house and making disparaging comments or asking something unacceptable, which only made me more uncomfortable. That adds to a long line of reasons for getting frustrated easily.
I haven't been bullied, so I hope I'm not just coming across as extremely insensitive. But I think at a certain point it becomes something you just can't hold onto. I wasn't bullied in school but I have been treated badly by people and had trust betrayed and I absolutely get why it's difficult to trust again. Even without bullying I have so many self-esteem issues. But saying "These people did this to me," is also like giving them continued power in your life.
I think that human interaction leaves us vulnerable, no matter who you are. There's always that risk in order to achieve that reward. At some point you've got to say okay, these ten people were really shitty to me but that's such a small segment of the population. Everyone is not that way. Or if everyone is
that way in your life, examine why. Is it because you live in a small town where you stand out too much? Is it because of something you can't control and that really isn't your fault?
I don't know what I'm trying to say exactly, just I think it's a little dangerous or unproductive to linger on this sort of pain too much. I think you'll also find trust can be difficult for anyone, bullied or not. We've all been burned by someone.