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Old November 19 2012, 01:28 PM   #1
chrinFinity
Commander
 
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Location: Scmocation
I'm issuing new orders...

Computer, since taking command I've been studying mission logs from other Federation starships, and I've decided to issue some new general orders.

Standing By.


If at any point in future it is detected that the safety protocols of any holodeck are offline, power is to be cut from all holodecks immediately.

Please specify parameters for override.

Override to require security clearance level six or higher. Senior officers.

Acknowledged.
General order has been implemented.

This next one applies during space-battles.

If it is detected that weapons fire is breaching our shields because the enemy has matched our shield frequency, you are to automatically adjust the shields to a different frequency. Furthermore, during space-battles all communication outside the ship is to be restricted to the main bridge, except as authorized by security clearance nine or above.

Clarify. Please define parameters for "enemy."

Anyone shooting at us.

Acknowledged. General order has been implemented.

What else... Oh, link up with every bank of isolinear chips on the ship. I want you to install a safeguard program so that if any chips which relate to security lockouts or file encryption protocols are tampered with, the entire terminal shuts off.

Warning. Requested function would reduce local efficiency of the library computer retrieval system in the event of security protocol failure.

That's what I'm trying to do.

Acknowledged. General order has been implemented.

And another thing. If at any time it is detected that a member of ship's complement has "left" the ship, by any means other than an authorized transport or shuttlecraft launch, you are to generate a security alert directly to the tactical station on the main bridge. This does not apply to the airlocks or docking ports while we are docked.

Acknowledged. General order has been implemented.

In fact, why the hell didn't they already program you to do that?

Please re-phrase the question.

For what reason were the sensors not already programmed to immediately notify security when someone dissappears, or leaves the ship without authorization?

Specified procedure would consume additional power and computer processing allocation.

How much more?

0.0018%.

Y'know what, let's go ahead and do it anyway. And while we're on the subject...

If at any time the biosignature of a crew member's life-sign becomes physically separated from that crew member's corresponding combadge by a distance greater than or equal to two meters, you are to maintain a location lock on the biosignature of that crewperson. If asked for the location of that crewperson, you are to provide the location of the biosignature and not the discarded combadge, thank you.

Acknowledged. General order has been implemented.

Is there a reason you weren't already programmed to do that?

Affirmative.

...Why?

Starfleet officers are required to wear the combadge at all times while on duty, except in cases of emergency, by requirement of the Starfleet uniform code section 12, paragraph 3.

Of course they are. Let's do the bio-signature thing anyway.

Acknowledged.
General order has been implemented.

One more thing. In the event that the ship's transporter systems ever go offline, you are to establish a remote link with the computer systems on all shuttlecraft stored onboard the ship. The shuttles' transporter functions are to be slaved to the Ops panel on the main bridge.

Warning. Capacity of shuttlecraft transporter system is limited to seven humanoids per five second recharge cycle.

That'd still probably get us out of a lot of sticky situations. Let's do it.

Acknowledged. General order has been implemented.

One more thing, this one pertains to replicators. Change my default preference for intoxicating beverages from "synthehol" to "alcohol," but only while I'm not on duty.

Acknowledged. Personal preference file updated.


Perfect. Three servings vodka, on the rocks.
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