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Old November 13 2012, 11:01 PM   #94
Kommander
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Location: Detroit
Re: I need to run this by some people...

Gaith wrote: View Post
I've done a number of late afternoon/early evening bar first dates, and I assure you they're entirely acceptable. Also, and I mention this in the Guide, if you're boozing on a date, be an adult and pace yourself. I've found that, unless one party's really disinterested in the other, most gals will stick around for two drinks, perfect for a nice, mellow buzz in the $10 range. Assuming the first, maybe only date runs under two hours, leaving you with a fairly full evening to fill, I'd far rather be left with a nice buzz than a caffeine energy jolt.

And if a sane-seeming mildly buzzed gal happens to go home with you, the chances of her crying rape the next day are, happily, small enough to be negligible. And if she crosses the line into drunkenness on the way/once you've arrived, calling her a cab (because remember, you're still only responsibly buzzed yourself) will demonstrate your decency and trustworthiness. I'd call that a win-win myself...
It's possible to have sex after drinking and it be fully consensual, but it is more difficult to determine, especially in a first date situation. I personally like to avoid it. If it's a woman that I've never had sex with before, no sex if she has had so much as a sip of beer. If I have, it depends on the situation.

Gaith wrote: View Post
And yet, if you'd taken that hypothetical advice, this gal might have become your girlfriend by now.
After two weeks of dating? The phrase "not a chance in Hell" comes to mind. Had I asked her out the first day of class, at this point I'd consider using the "girlfriend" label. Whether or not I hesitate in asking someone out, I always take my time with making commitments. Not that it matters...

Guess who has a boyfriend that she neglected to mention until it was obvious that I was about to ask her out? She's mono, so that means no romantic involvement outside of that relationship. Given the conversation that followed and texting with her as I write this, I gather that things aren't quite going well. This could be a problem.

People tend to assume that being polyamorous, I don't respect the boundaries of other's relationships and that I'm okay with cheating. I only become romantically involved with the consent of everyone involved, I do not participate in cheating (I learned that lesson the first time when I found myself on the wrong end of a Desert Eagle.) She knows this now, but the boyfriend may see me as a threat and get all possessive.

Her and I are becoming friends now. If she comes to me with relationship problems, I can't turn her away. I've been in this situation before, and I have rules in place, but I am biased. I've handled things like this well before, but I've also handled them not so well. So hopefully I can do the former again if this situation becomes a problem.
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