I've no doubt that many dating guides are messed up. I don't think mine is a-hole friendly, nor does it exaggerate the ease of the matter, but that's a matter of details. If you'd like to discuss any specific aspects of the guide, I'd be happy to do so, but no hard feelings if you don't. Heck, as I wrote in it, I don't claim to be any kind of expert myself, just a frood with a few rudimentary tips.
Yeah, I didn't get that yours is a manipulative pick up guide, and you do state it's based on your own experiences and don't misrepresent it as "a proven method that has worked for trillions of men," so it's probably not as messed up as most. I may pick it apart later. And yeah, I'm not an expert either. I'd even go as far as to say that anyone that thinks they're an expert is either lying or delusional. Even once I have my Ph. D. I still won't ever claim to be an expert.
Ok this isn't really a dating guide, it's just straight reality for most cases:
Don't play games, you can be subtle but don't be coy and manipulate. Don't do the waiting to call thing; don't worry you're looking desperate (whether you are or not); there's nothing wrong with complimenting someone if you mean it (guys seem to thing they'll give a girl an attitude if they say something positive). Don't wait to ask someone out, it's easier just to ask.
Be yourself...up to a point. Don't pretend to be someone you're not (don't lie about your real day to day life) HOWEVER, there's nothing wrong with acting more confident than you might normally be, or simply put more energy into how you project yourself. This can actually be good practice for later on when you might actually become that.
Be direct, but not overbearing. I've found that simply saying what your wants or needs are are a lot more useful than waiting.
These are pretty general but also sensible, if someone can't handle that, then they arent for you. I would have trouble with anyone who wasnt honest and reciprocated. I've never had a girl turn me down for a date (or other things) unless she was already taken (again something to ask about early).
On the "just ask" thing: This applies most to just meeting people randomly. If I get talking to a random stranger and she seems like someone I'd like, I'll ask her out or for her phone number or something. Because, if I don't, I won't have another chance. I'm in class with Creative Writing Girl twice a week, so I don't feel that sense of immediacy, so I do things like not exchange phone numbers and don't know her name for a month. Don't know her name? I'll just ask her on Tuesday. I forgot to ask for her number? Oh well, I'll get it from her on Thursday. I don't worry about it, and then when I'm actually talking to her I forget to do it.
When the "now or never" pressure isn't there, I usually don't even think about dating until I get talking to someone, decide I like her, and it seems like she likes me. While I started talking to her back in September, and I realized I was starting to be romantically interested in her about a month ago, I didn't catch on that she seemed interested in me as well until that day when she was concerned about me seeming upset and I gave her bracelets I made. Which, that would have been a good time to ask her out, but I was caught completely off-guard when she showed concern for me and was too distracted to do so.
For the sake of continued rambling, I have now moved on from being anxious about past dating experiences and how they suck. Now I'm anxious about, if everything is as it seems to be, and it's all taken into account, how this can still go horribly wrong. Here's what I came up with:
She's romantically interested in me, but has a boyfriend even though she probably would have mentioned it by now if she did. She's mono, so she's questioning why she's interested in me while with this boyfriend, and begins to wonder is maybe she doesn't really love him. However, she's made a commitment and has decided to not question it. Then I ask her out. She wants to date me, but feels she would be betraying her boyfriend. She thinks if maybe spending time with me would be okay, but she's not sure she can trust herself. She assumes that me being polyamorous means I don't respect the boundaries of other people's relationships and she can't trust me either. So, she starts avoiding me because it's the easiest way to handle the situation. I do not participate in cheating; if someone is in an exclusive relationship, they are off-limits to Little Kommander. She doesn't believe me when i tell her this, and she thinks it's weird that I call my penis Little Kommander.
If that's the worst I can come up with at this point, there probably is not going to be a problem here. Also, if I told her I've named my penis Little Kommander, she'd probably think it's funny.
J. Allen wrote:
Just be yourself, Kommander! Sounds cliche, but it usually works. You have terrific personality traits. If you approach her, just lay it all out. No matter what, it's worth the effort. Good luck!
Yes, but do I truly
know myself? Am I familiar with the works of Xiang Yu?