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Old November 12 2012, 04:39 AM   #73
Location: Detroit
Re: I need to run this by some people...

Kommander wrote: View Post
Um, yeah... I'm going to go ahead and not read it if that's okay with you.
That, and the other things I said, probably sounded a bit more mean than I meant them.

I have a problem with dating guides in general, not just yours, Gaith. As I said, I haven't read it, but I have read at least a hundred others. Best case scenario, they contain mostly factual information, but information that's pointless in the context of a dating guide. At worst, they teach people to be manipulative or even abusive.

The harmless ones tend to talk a lot about confidence and treating dating like it's not a big deal. First of all, if it wasn't a big deal, there wouldn't be thousands of fucking dating guides, and there'd be no need for relationship counselors and sex therapists, and I'd have to instead pursue a real career.

And yes, it's correct. Dating is much easier if one has confidence, just like everything else in life. While confidence is learned, it can't really be taught. Talking about confidence in a dating guide is like if the instructions with an IKEA bookshelf said "Assemble the pieces so they look like the picture on the box. It's not that difficult." Yes, that's true, but if one doesn't know how to assemble the pieces it does nothing to help, and probably makes them feel stupid.

Most of the time, the general point is "all women are like this, and want these things, so do this," or "all men are like this, and want these things, so do this," depending who they're targeted at. Despite the way it is very often presented, all men are not the same, and all women are not the same. Dating guides tend to focus on gender stereotypes which, while they do fit some people, are not representative of people in general.

The really dangerous ones present dating as an adversarial relationship: Men want the most amount of sex with the least amount of commitment, and women want to maximize commitment with minimal sex. If a man commits, he loses. If a woman is easy she loses. So, one has to manipulate the other into doing what they want. Explaining whats wrong with this set up would take a very long time, so I'll explain what's right about it. This is how narcissistic ass holes act. So if you're one of them, go for it.
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