I like how you're presenting the Kazon in your story. One thing I find somewhat jarring as far as the story flow is concerned is that you sometimes break the 4th wall, so to speak, i.e. you as a writer from the 21st century come through (e.g. the space dog thing). Sometimes, these changing perspectives throw me out of the story. I hope that doesn't sound too critical.
As for the content, well, just keep in mind that this is a PG-13 board. What you're writing may not faze you or me but it would be nice if the unsuspecting reader knows what he's getting into beforehand.