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Old September 10 2012, 08:31 PM   #167
Crazy Eddie
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Re: Bill Nye: “Creationism is not Appropriate for Children”

gturner wrote: View Post
^ What if the simulation included a witten story claiming that 6,000 years ago the simulation had ended, even though that story was just part of the simulation and reality actually began halfway through the season 7 premier of Dr. Who?
I worked it out a while ago and I am now 100% convinced that not only does God exist, but that he is also a Timelord. Specifically, he is the only one of the Timelords who is capable of crossing his own timeline.

Think of the evidences:
- Nobody knows God's real name, and the ones who KNEW his name weren't allowed to say it.
- God is really bad at keeping track of time (a day to him is a 1000 years to anyone else).
- God is occasionally vengeful and rage-filled, other times lighthearted and benign.
- He occasionally travels with a companion (Adam and Eve, Abraham at times, Daniel, various angels).
- He was killed once by being nailed to a tree (screwdriver doesn't work on wood) but later regenerated.
- His house contains "many mansions" (Bigger on the inside)
- He's known to disappear for long stretches of time, leaving no trace of himself, until he suddenly shows up out of the blue and turns everyone's life completely upside down.
- He believes that some events are destined to happen and it's best not to dwell on these sorts of things if you can't help them.
- Since he can cross his own timeline, there's a bit of predestination where, on a trip to jerusalem during his third regeneration he accidentally knocks up a girl named Mary who turns out to be his mother. Think about it: if Jesus is God, and Jesus is also the SON of God, then it follows that Jesus is also the FATHER of God since they're the same person. Which is a tad creepy, but stranger things have happened when Timelords are involved.

Most importantly, there's a pattern in Christian theology that God appears to be both the cause and solution to all of the world's problems. At Sodom and Gomorrah he is seen warning Lot and his family that the city is going to be destroyed and looking for any excuse to save the city if he can just find enough decent people; he can't, so the city is destroyed anyway. A similar thing happens in Ninevah when God is hanging out with Daniel (after he gets eaten by a whale), and this time Daniel manages to save the city. And the entire "Jesus Messiah" narrative hinges on the concept that the wrath of God must be appeased by blood, in which case God sacrificed himself TO himself to appease his own wrath. All of which kind of reminds me of the Fires of Pompeii, or -- in way -- the accidental smiting of the Sycorax.

So why did Jesus really have to die? My guess is the Daleks found out about this walking space-time inversion of a Timelord that somehow manage to beget himself and correctly interpreted this as a serious threat to their existence, not least of which because of all that spiritually uplifting crap Jesus had been spewing for years about "love your enemy" and so on; it's antithetical to everything the Daleks hold sacred. So they were all set to glass the entire planet, until Jesus figured out what they were up to and arranged to have the Romans and the Jews kill him in a public spectacle. The Daleks went home, Jesus regenerated and hitched a ride with his older self in a TARDIS named "Holy Spirit" whose chameleon circuit consistently disguises it as a portapotty.

Cue music.
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