You're forgetting one very important fact of life: resentment of overt domination. Subtelty is the key to power--influencing without their knowing it, via "friendship".
Tal'Aura, by being so nationalistic--by overtly trying to increase the RSE's standing in the Pact--would have, in so doing, antagonized the other members. Give it enough time, and the members not taking kindly to such domination--read: most
of them...would want to thus eject the RSE from the Pact, to prevent that domination from happening.
Kammemor, on the other hand, being non
-antagonistic, becomes a leader
, not a dominator--killing with kindness, if you will. After all, though her policies of equality and non-antagonism...the Pact powers do not see her as a threat--and therefore, "open up" to her, more.