May I have your attention please. At 0400 hours this morning, ve received a status update that Facebook was going public. Soon after Facebook officials reported they were experiencing severe financial anomalies and the stock price vound up right in ze toilet. Our mission is to access Facebook and make sure their servers don't crash so all of the bored attention-starved teenagers in the world will be able to continue airing their emotional baggage for public display and posting inane, pointless messages as their status updates.
Ve vill arrive at Facebook within three minutes... thank you for your time.