68 EXT. URWYZDEN PLANET SURFACE - WOODS
The same woods where Pelís shuttle crashed. Now Bruntís fully intact shuttle is hidden among the foliage.
69 INT. BRUNTíS SHUTTLE
The shuttle is powered down, its lowest energy settings.
Brunt and Pel sit talking. Brunt is disgusted.
I should have seen it coming.
Any relative of Quarkís was
bound to be insane.
What are you talking about?
Gaila! Gaila invested here. This
whole war is a cover to allow
him to cash out without anyone
Ė especially the FCA Ė knowing
what heís doing. Itís all one
massive insider trading scam!
Pel gasps, suitably appalled.
And heís happy to kill millions
of Urwyzden to do it.
I know. Itís unbelievable. The
dead canít pay.
The dead canít pay! Thereís no
profit in it. I canít sell to
Youíre really not what I was
I was thinking... Gailtek is
doomed now, surely?
Not necessarily. But weíre not
going to be a part of it any
more. Are we?
The thought occurs that you
need a new partner.
So do you, if you want to be...
...a profit-earning female.
So, if weíre partners... what
do we do next?
Brunt grins a toothy grin. He has exactly the answer.
As a business rival, we want to
ruin Gaila and outdo his profits.
As a loyal retired Liquidator of
the FCA Ė and partner Ė we want
Gaila brought to justice. And as
the people he tried to kill...
we want revenge.
Call all three ministers. Tell
them Iím going to give them
what they want. And Pel?
70 EXT. SPACE
Make all three appointments
for the same time.
The Golden Handshake
sits in orbit of its little moon on the edge of the Urwyzden system. All is peaceful...
Until three of the small Urwyzden fighters converge on the Ferengi ship... and open fire.
71 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE Ė BRIDGE
Voloczin is alone on the bridge. Proximity alarms suddenly sound, and the large fleshy octopus-spider-thing leaps to check the readings, its tentacles flushing orange.
The ship ROCKS under fire. Panels explode and sparks fly.
Bugger this. Iím offski.
Voloczin quickly makes for the door...
72 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE Ė CORRIDOR
...Only to find a firefight already in progress.
Two Breen are exchanging phaser bolts with a seeming army of the diminutive Urwyzden soldiers. They may be small, but their sheer number is overwhelming the larger Breen...
73 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE Ė GAILAíS CABIN
Gaila is asleep in his cabin, until heís awakened by the sounds of phaser fire in the corridor, the rocking of the ship under fire from outside... and a blaring ALARM.
Autodestruct in five minutes.
Gailaís eyes go wide and he screams in panic.
Computer! Cancel autodestruct!
Authorisation Gaila four four
two seven nine omicron!
Autodestruct sequence cannot
be cancelled. Autodestruct in
four minutes thirty seconds.
Panic growing, Gaila leaps out of bed.
74 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE Ė CORRIDOR
One of the Breen goes down under multiple phaser shots from the Urwyzden soldiers.
Voloczin leaps up to the ceiling, his tentacles carrying him quickly across it in an attempt to get past the battle.
Some Urwyzden take aim at him. He leaps down right on top of them, stretches his tentacles out wide, snatches a tiny Urwyzden body in each and SNAPS each oneís neck.
Behind him the second Breen goes down. That leaves just him and all the remaining Urwyzden soldiers. They all take aim and FIRE...
And Voloczinís large body EXPLODES like a fleshy balloon.
75 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE Ė SHUTTLE BAY
Gaila rushes into the shuttle bay (which has no shuttles in it) and sees Lok already working the transporter controls.
Lok! Set coordinates for the
spaceport on Urwyzden Alpha.
Weíll blend in with everyone
else whoís leaving the -
Before Gaila can finish, a phaser SHOT blasts Lok, making his environment suit spasm with bolts of electricity. The Breen soldier slumps to the ground with a gurgle, the suit smoking with burned-out circuitry. Gaila shrieks...
Brunt. FCA... ish.
Brunt steps forward out of the corner with a victorious, predatorial grin, his weapon aimed right at Gaila.
Youíre going to be a celebrity,
Gaila. The first Ferengi war
criminal. And I must say, it
gives me great pleasure to
arrest you as a war criminal Ė
If Iím a war criminal, then so
- As an offensively poor example
of Ferengi morals, and as a
personal threat to my own
profits and opportunities.
What profits? The moment you
ran out I seized your share.
Then Iíll add breach of contract.
Add what you like, but if weíre
still here in thirty seconds Ė
Step onto the pad.
Brunt gestures with the weapon towards the transporter pad. Gaila does as heís told. Brunt presses controls on the panel, then steps up beside Gaila. The moment the coils power up, Gaila LUNGES for the weapon in Bruntís hands. The pair dissolve in a Ferengi transporter swirl...
76 EXT. SPACE
The attacking Urwyzden fighters quickly break off and scatter, getting out of the way...
And then the Golden Handshake
77 EXT. SHUTTLE PORT
Back to the beginning of the episode. Gaila and Brunt roll over each other on their way down the slanted surface of the shuttle port, an unidentifiable flurry of punches and scratches and yells and yelps.
Hitting the ground, they both reach for a weapon, spinning on the spot to point them at each otherís face.
Gaila. If only you were Quark...
Thatís the only way this moment
could be any more delicious.
Youíre finished too, Brunt! Itís
a mutual loss scenario!
Keeping his weapon trained on Gaila, Brunt glances to the side. Squadrons of Urwyzden soldiers are closing in on them from all directions, weapons drawn and pointed at the pair of Ferengi. Brunt sighs and shakes his head.
How did my life come to this?
If you want us to cross each
other, fine! But we should at
least get off world first.
Thereís no profit in being
killed by these troops!
Profit is still profit even if
it comes as something other
than latinum. But youíre right.
Weíre both Ferengi, and that
should come first.
Gaila relaxes, a little relieved. Together, they turn and point their weapons towards the approaching Urwyzden...
But once Gailaís attention is diverted, Brunt spins back and CLUBS Gaila over the head with his rifle.
Gaila tumbles to the ground. Brunt quickly grabs his weapon and throws it away, then shoves his enemy towards the soldiers. They grab him and restrain him. Gaila stares back at Brunt, dumbfounded.
What are you doing?!
The Rules of Acquisition say
that there is profit in peace,
and profit in war. But thereís
no profit in genocide and death
camps. You canít exploit someone
you killed. Itís... un-Ferengi.
Plus, of course, thereís the
fact that youíre a member of
the detestable House of Quark.
And any chance to take down
one of those deviants is one
Iím never going to miss.
And whereís your profit? Your
Well, by exposing you, I stop
the war and preserve future
Ferengi profits. Thatís worth
a lot. Oh, and did I mention
Iíve negotiated a license as a
consultant and enforcer in the
region? Not the same as being
in the FCA, but Iíll be doing
the same job in the private
sector. And for more money!
Brunt laughs at Gailaís horrified expression. And then the Urwyzden soldiers drag the Ferengi away. Gaila wails and squeals and begs, but the Urwyzden donít listen.
Brunt turns and looks out over the scene before him. He sighs with satisfaction. Things are going his way.
78 INT. DS9 Ė QUARKíS BAR
A huge round of APPLAUSE explodes all around the bar. The crowd is watching the many screens hanging around the room. The displays show financial reports from back home on Ferenginar. Theyíre in the hexagonal Ferengi script, but whatever they say, everyoneís very happy about it.
Quark, Rom, Nog and Leeta all gather on the customerís side of the bar, a proper family reunion. Kira and Dax are both nearby as well. Treir works behind the bar, HETIK works the dabo tables for his adoring audience, and Ferengi waiters dash back and forth. The party has been a huge success.
Nog jumps with excitement and hugs his father...
Dad! A new contract to provide
hipecat cream to the entire
Talarian Republic! Amazing!
Oh, Rom! Iím so proud of you!
It was Kraxís idea...
But you led the negotiations.
I knew you could do it!
I guess the Talarians must get
a lot of skin problems.
Romís the best Nagus ever!
Dax, Kira, Rom, Nog, Leeta, Treir... all turn to look at Quark disapprovingly.
I mean that lovingly.
They grudgingly let it go.
Although I do have to admit,
this visit has been a latinum-
mine for me. This is already
looking like my best month so
far this year...
...although, it occurs to me...
if you would consider taking
a shift on the dabo wheels,
Leeta... and we sold it as a
nostalgic grand return...
No. I have my sweet baby Bena
to look after...
Leeta turns to dote on her baby girl...
Bena screams at the loud noise. Quark does too...
Suddenly panicked, Quark looks around the bar, trying to see his long-time enemy.
Thatís right! Iím back!
Bena is wailing, Rom is moaning. Quark looks up... and Bruntís sneering face is filling every monitor screen.
And debtors and deal-breakers
everywhere are in for their
QUARK / ROM
On the screen, the image changes to show Brunt and Pel standing back to back, arms folded, grinning defiantly into the camera as an overdramatic voiceover bellows...
Big block titles slam down a word at a time over Bruntís image, matching the announcerís words...
Brunt the Bounty Hunter! Only
Quark, Rom, Nog, Leeta stare dumbfounded at the screen...
END OF SHOW