12 EXT. SPACE
The Golden Handshake
travels at warp, on its way...
13 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – BRUNT’S CABIN
A bedroom decked out in typically tasteless, over-decorated Ferengi style. The gleam of gold and latinum everywhere, all the luxuries. Brunt lies in a fur-strewn bed, his head against a bulkhead. He’s wide awake.
Gurgles and burps come from the wall behind him. He scowls in annoyance. He turns in the bed, tries to ignore it. He grabs two of the pillows and covers his giant ears with them. It doesn’t work.
With a grunt of frustration, he gets out of bed, stands in his fancy bedclothes, and glares at the wall with hatred. He reaches out and PUNCHES it.
14 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – CORRIDOR
Fully dressed now, Brunt strolls down the corridor, just exploring the ship. At the far end of the corridor from him, another door opens and two Breen exit. Brunt flinches in fear, but the Breen ignore him, enter another door, and are gone. Brunt relaxes – he does not
15 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – MESS HALL
Breakfast time. Brunt and Gaila sit across a small table from each other, munching on beetles, while Bijon and Pel get food from the wall of gilded replicators.
Do you trust the Breen?
Of course. They’re utterly
Well, for one thing, nobody
wants to hire soldiers who
fought on the wrong side of
the Dominion War. Secondly,
they’re not easy to talk to
without specialized equipment.
Gaila taps at a small device attached to the collar of his suit, to emphasis the point.
And thirdly, I pay them more
than anyone else could afford.
Brunt nods – fair enough, he can understand that. He looks up and watches as Pel walks past with a tray of food...
16 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – BRIDGE
The viewscreen shows the ship continuing to fly at warp. Pel now sits in the pilot’s chair, just keeping an eye on things. Brunt hovers awkwardly behind her, grimacing at the very thought of a female, in clothes, working for profit.
So you’re a... pilot.
I am now. I wasn’t always.
Ah, that’s good to hear. You
used to be a proper female?
I used to be in the service
industry. Trying to make my
way as a good businessperson.
Then how did you –
By necessity. Necessity is the
mother of profit. And being a
pilot turned out to be more
profitable than I could have
ever imagined. Now I couldn’t
imagine doing anything else.
Not even being a –
A skivvy? A servant? You were
going to say, “a traditional
Ferengi female,” weren’t you?
Pel turns to look at Brunt at last. She’s almost amused.
I’m everything you hate, aren’t
I, Brunt? You’re a good Ferengi.
Smart, if a little inflexible.
But you’re no Quark. You and
Gaila, everything’s already
weighted in your favour. It’s
easy for you to make profit.
Off Brunt’s horror...
17 INT. DS9 – QUARK’S BAR
On Quark, as he smiles in satisfaction at the continuing celebrations all around him...
But Quark can make profit out
of nothing at all.
Dax wanders up to him with a drink, salutes him with it.
Great party, Quark.
Like there was any doubt.
And you wouldn’t be blowing the
whole official visit way out of
proportion just as an excuse to
make more profit, at all?
You say that like it’s a bad
thing. I just wish Laren could
have been here to enjoy it.
I’m sure she wishes that too.
Not wanting to get into that any further, Dax drifts away. Quark heads back to his bar, where Nog and Leeta are both cooing over the baby. Meanwhile, Rom is stood behind the bar, still looking around wistfully. Then there’s a slight gasp from the crowd, and people turn to see why...
TREIR is just slinking down the spiral staircase, looking utterly fabulous, to sighs of adoration from all sides. The male Ferengi servants’ jaws all drop at the sight of her. At the bar, Leeta straightens. She makes eye contact with Treir. Treir makes eye contact with her. Uh-oh. Cat fight.
Quark, Rom and Nog all tense. Totally calm, Leeta passes baby Bena to Nog to look after. Then she stretches herself to her greatest height, pushes her bosom to the Prophets, and steps towards Treir. Treir steps towards her too.
Behind the bar, Rom watches with jaw hanging loosely. This could be a disaster... or it could be the biggest turn-on of his life. Leeta looks Treir up and down.
You must be Treir. The new
And you must be Leeta. The...
old... dabo girl.
Leeta and Treir stare each other down... until the tiniest cracks appear in their stern faces. They can’t keep up the pretence any longer. They both break into smirks.
I’ve been waiting to meet you.
We have a lot to talk about.
Her faux glare towards Quark makes Leeta chuckle. They head back over towards the bar, where Rom is about to explode.
Rom, honey? Come and meet Treir.
Umm... that’s okay. I think I’ll
just stay here for a minute.
As Rom makes sure to stay hidden from the waist down...
18 EXT. SPACE
The Golden Handshake
now sits in orbit of a planet...
19 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHUTTLE BAY
Across the room from the two small shuttles is a large transporter stage. The twinkles of transport are just fading away, revealing three KALANI – human-sized but with armoured foreheads and scaly skin.
Gaila, Brunt and Pel stand before them in their best business suits, with Bijon working the transporter.
Greetings, Minister. I’m Gaila,
representative of Gailtek
Armaments and Technologies.
This is my partner Brunt, and
our clerk, Pel. Whatever you
require, we at GAT will do our
best to fulfil the order.
We need weapons.
Obviously, or you wouldn’t be
contacting an arms dealer.
We’d prefer the most efficient
killing machines possible.
Naturally, which is why you’ve
come to the best arms dealership.
If you’ll come with me, I think
I have just the thing.
Gaila directs the group of Kalani off the transporter pad. Pel takes the lead, as they head into the corridor. Once the group is out of earshot, Brunt grabs Gaila’s arm.
Why are you letting Pel meet
clients? She’s just a female.
The Kalani have three factions,
not two. Since Bijon has trouble
counting that high, I need Pel
to meet the third group tonight,
after you meet the second group
this afternoon. It’s a good sign,
Brunt. The Great Material Conti-
nuum is flowing our way. All we
have to do is enjoy the cruise.
But still, a female... earning profit...
She may earn it, but who do
you think invests it for her?
Brunt nods with understanding. He and Gaila share a greedy grin, and then follow the rest into the corridor.
20 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHOWROOM
A gleaming white showroom, the walls covered in racks and shelves featuring weapons small, medium and large. Gaila, Brunt and Pel look on encouragingly as the Kalani browse the choices. The Kalani leader looks at one disruptor...
Ah, Klingon Type 47, the best
there is. When you absolutely,
positively have to disintegrate
every mother-creditor in the
room. Accept no substitute!
As Gaila and the Kalani continue in the background, Brunt receives an alert in the comm device in his ear. He steps away from the group to receive the message...
The Loyalists are at the transport
site. I’m bringing them up now.
Everyone in the room turns at Brunt’s outburst. He smiles weakly and addresses Gaila...
That was Bijon. He’s acquired
some more... credit.
Go and see to it.
Brunt nods and scampers out of the room. Gaila turns back to the Kalani, with a wide ingratiating smile.
Nothing to worry about. Simple
matter of paperwork. If you’ll
come with me, we can continue our
discussion in the dining room.
As the Kalani sweep out of the room, Gaila holds Pel back.
Have Voloczin reset the chamber
for Cardassian weapons.
Pel nods and steps aside to make a call. Gaila follows the Kalani into the corridor, trying not to panic.
21 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHUTTLE BAY
Brunt is likewise as three more Kalani materialize on the transporter, in different outfits from the first group.
I am Commander Lotral of the
Kalanis Defence Arm.
Brunt, GIT. Uhh, GAT. You’re
a little early, but then the
early investor reaps the most
interest, after all.
(dry and icy)
Rule of Acquisition number 37.
It’s a code we Ferengi live by.
Good for you.
Smiling past the Kalani’s brusque attitude, Brunt after-you’s them towards the door. Just as they pass into the corridor, his eyes widen in panic as he hears the telltale sounds of a transporter platform powering up behind him.
He hustles the Kalani quickly through the door...
22 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – BRUNT’S CABIN
Controlling his panic, Brunt ushers the three new Kalani into his own room. He runs to the wall, opens a hatch that reveals a drinks cabinet and a replicator...
This is the, uhh... executive
lounge. Please make yourselves
at home while I check that the
display models are ready.
And he dashes back out of the room again, leaving the Kalani somewhat nonplussed.
23 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – CORRIDOR
Grimacing, Brunt dashes along the corridor. He reaches the door, which opens onto...
24 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHUTTLE BAY
...another three Kalani stepping off the transporter, in rough, makeshift outfits. Brunt runs straight to Bijon at the transporter controls, hisses at him.
Bijon, don’t you know what an
(thinks for a beat)
I’ve never been to... Appointia.
Where is Pel?
Pel is setting up the display
models for you to browse. She
sent me to greet you. Bijon,
please inform Pel that... uh...
that a member of the Kalani
Republican People’s Democratic
Front is waiting to meet her.
And Brunt dashes back out of the room again.
25 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – CORRIDOR
Panic levels increasing, Brunt runs back down the corridor, to another door, which opens onto...
26 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – MESS HALL
Gaila looks up from the table at Brunt’s entrance...
Ah, Brunt. You’re just in time
to witness -
But Brunt doesn’t care about that. He ignores the Kalani gathered nearby and rushes straight to Gaila, whispering into his ear...
They’re... all... here.
That half-Pakled idiot servant
I should have sent one of the
Breen to supervise.
Who’d have thought running the
transporter was a two-man job?
Anyone who knew Bijon.
Brunt whimpers – what do they do?
27 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHOWROOM
Pel shows the third group of Kalani – the People’s Front – around a display of Cardassian weapons. As they browse, she glances over her shoulder to the door with a nervous smile.
28 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – BRUNT’S CABIN
On the edge of panic, Brunt grins maniacally as he pours himself a drink from the cabinet, knocks it back, and pours another. He holds the second drink out towards the Kalani Loyalist leader. She looks at him disdainfully.
Then there’s a buzz in his ear. Brunt shrieks and jumps, spilling the drink. He tries to pull himself together.
29 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – CORRIDOR
That was the signal. Let’s go!
A door opens onto the corridor, and Brunt leads the Kalani Loyalist group out. He looks to the right, and he sees the first Kalani group – the government – only just leaving, guided by Gaila into the shuttle bay.
He squeaks and leaps to block the view, directing his group down the left arm of the corridor.
Right along there. I mean, not
right. Straight. Straight along
there. To your left.
Glancing back and forth between the two groups of Kalani, Brunt waits until the door has closed on Gaila’s group, and then runs off after his own group.
30 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHOWROOM
The door opens from the corridor as the Loyalists approach.
Brunt barrels past the Kalani before they can enter. He pokes his head in, and sees racks set up with Federation weapons, but no other Kalani. He sags with relief.
31 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHUTTLE BAY
Thank the Blessed Exchequer.
Commander Lotral, allow me
Gaila stands watching as the Kalani government group transport away. He sags with relief as well, and then quickly turns and hurries back out of the room.
32 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – MESS HALL
The door opens and Gaila enters, just in time to see the third Kalani group’s leader place her clawed thumb onto Pel’s padd. He grins wide.
33 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHOWROOM
Gaila enters and immediately exclaims...
Commander! I’m Gaila, CEO of
Gailtek. Has Brunt been showing
you these prime weapons?
He has. They are quite fit for
Gaila grins even wider...
34 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – CORRIDOR
The door opens from the show room, and Brunt pokes his head out into the corridor. At the far end, Pel is just leading her group into the shuttle bay. Once the door is closed...
35 INT. GOLDEN HANDSHAKE – SHUTTLE BAY
This way please, Commander...
Gaila, Brunt and Pel all stand, as Bijon works the trans-porter and the final group of Kalani disappears. After a second’s pause to be sure they’re safe, all three Ferengi break into laughter, great howls of blissful relief.
Behind them, the door opens, and one of the Breen enters. He stops at the sight of three cackling Ferengi. Even through his totally expressionless environment suit, he manages to convey his confusion.
36 INT. DS9 – QUARK’S BAR
Treir and Leeta are also howling with laughter over some shared joke, no doubt at Quark’s expense. From near the main door, Kira watches, amused.
Then Dax rushes up to her, a worried look on her face. She speaks sotto, making sure no-one else can hear.
Nerys, we have a problem.
What is it?
Bowers just called me from
Ops. Admiral Akaar is on the
comm... and he wants to talk
to Commander Vaughn.
Nerys... what do we do?
Kira understands the problem now. As her face falls in worry...
END OF ACT TWO