I've always had a problem with the (relative) ease with which the concept of altering people's memories or identities is accepted in popular sci-fi, because as you say,
TGB, it's at the very least equivalent to murder, but all too often I get the impression many people haven't quite seen it in those terms. The idea of "killing without really killing" doesn't work for me - I see it as no different from plain "killing", only refusing to accept that that's what you're doing. So the whole thing seems distasteful to me.