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Old March 15 2012, 04:23 AM   #5
Cobalt Frost
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Location: seduced by The Coolness in Phineas & Ferb's backyard
Re: Star Trek: Audacity Part 1

You need to break up the text, like this:

The male Felarain looked at Alvin and blinked blankly. “Greetings, Dara. How is Starfleet life?”


“Good to know. I am Edimir, Head of Felar Sciences.”
As posted, you have huge solid blocks of text, which makes your story very difficult to read. I'd consider a beta reader also, as you have a fair amount of grammatical issues, mostly punctuation. Your concept is interesting, and will draw a lot more readers with a few easy fixes.
Damn the resonance cannons, full speed ahead!
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