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Old March 9 2012, 05:30 AM   #2
Re: Star Trek: Audacity

I'm currently writing a fan fiction...well....with my OWN cast though and it's supposed to be a few years AFTER Star Trek: Voyager. Before I tell you the main plot I'd like to say this is mainly about the Borg, my all time favorite Trek enemies and their origin.
Okay. Some good stuff here: an original cast; a time setting that doesn’t compete with canon; and a chance to look deeper at the Borg. Well, the last isn’t so good, the Borg have been very much part and parcel of the last two years of ST:VOY, as well as the film FIRST CONTACT. But there is still room for some work, so it might go well.

Here's the plot:

A Commodore tells Starfleet Command that he wants to go exploring and learn about the Borg's origin and asks them for permission to go to Borg space and try exploring, but the Council disagrees with him and tell him it's too dangerous. The commodore gets very angry with them and almost attempts to do his mission on his own without their permission. He is caught trying to steal a shuttlecraft by a crewman. The commodore is once again called to the Council, and they are disappointed in him.
Honest criticism? A high ranking officer tries to steal a shuttlecraft in order to get to the Delta Quadrant. A shuttlecraft. That makes no sense. Then, having been caught, he is dragged before the Federation Council. Why the Council? This would be handled in a Star Fleet Court Martial.

However, the commodore has friends in the Council who secretly agree with the commodore. After the commodore is put in the brig on Spacedock and demoted to Flt. Captain, his secret friends help him break out. The former commodore's secret friends lie to highly skilled Star Fleet officers and tell them they're going to study a special anomaly and they need the best help. The former commodore and his friends steal a Storm class starship, the newest class built in the fleet but only as a prototype and highly unstable and head to the Delta Quadrant, and there that's when they tell the crew about the “real” mission. The crew is extremely angry to be going against Starfleet but the former commodore and his friends force them to obey. Now they search for information concerning the origin of the Borg.
Oh boy. So he is thrown into the brig and demoted. Huh? If he was court-martialed and convicted, then he would be sent to a penal colony and drummed out of service. If he wasn’t convicted, then he wouldn’t be demoted. Let’s skip that. Your commodore nee Fleet Captain (an allusion to Garth?), then has his friends on the Federation Council break him out of the brig and steal a brand-spanking new Star Fleet vessel. The prototype of a brand-spanking new Star Fleet vessel.

They steal the ship, but then inform the crew? Friend, this plot line has problems from start to finish. How are the Commodore; excuse me, Fleet Captain; and his friends going to force a crew of a Star Fleet starship to be complicit in the theft of a prototype? Did they have orders to come aboard and assume command? Because I don’t care what your rank is, officers don’t just walk onto the bridge of a Starship, let alone a prototype Starship and order it to leave dock without orders from Star Fleet Headquarters.

Why use a prototype ship? Is it because you want a super-ship that is twice the size and power of a Sovereign, with a one of a kind Defiant-style cloaking device that the Romulans agree to because of what happens in Nemesis? There are plenty of ships in canon that you can use, but once again we come back to the problem: the crew are not going to obey this stranger’s orders—and it is really hard for a handful of men to enforce their will on a crew of hundreds. What would really happen is the commodore (Fleet Captain) will wake up with a stunner migraine in a brig cell with this friends as the crew set course back for Earth and ANOTHER court-martial.


Flt. Captain Alvin Ramirez: Commanding Officer- A human male man. Age 38.
Alexander Stuart: Civilian/Supervisor- a human male man. Age 35.
Betsy Hicks: Civilian/Supervisor- a female human woman. Age 37.

Commander Carol Freeman: Executive/First Officer- A human female. Age 30.
Lt Cmdr. Seerik: Chief Engineer- a Romulan male. Age 40.
Ensign Lisa Frost: Helmsman- a female Human. Age 31
Lt. Cmdr. Zordock: Chief Medical Officer- a Monchezke male. Age 94.
6 of 12: Security/Tactical- a liberated Borg human. Age 23
Lt. Quiana: Ops- a female Q/Human hybrid. Age: Unknown
Lt. JG Jerrod York: Science- An El-Aurian male. Age: 345
Ensign J'Nette: Counselor- a female Klingon. Age: 20

Ship: USS Rogue Storm class
FACEPALM. A Romulan. A Klingon. A liberated Borg drone. A Q-human hybrid. An El-Aurian. My hope at seeing the first words has dwindled away completely. Rethink this exercise. Please.

Master Arminas
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