Re: The 12 Worst Star Trek: DS9 Episodes Ever
I hope the OP won't be offended if I copy and paste the list here for viewer convenience:
This episode probably would not make most peoples’ lists, but it made mine.
During the Dominion War, an elite group of snotty cadets were in command of a Federation starship, which was behind enemy lines collecting information. Then, because they’re awesome, they think they can destroy a Jem’Hadar warship. As it turns out, the answer was no, they could not.
Don’t get me wrong: the story was fine. My problem with this episode is that the characters were such obnoxious smartasses that I wanted to jump through my TV and punch every single one of them in the face. I felt no connection to them at all – only to Jake, who was pretty much the only sane person aboard. The captain was a pompous ass, the first officer was a smug bitch on wheels (or, more aptly, a bitch on impulse engines), and the rest thought they were just great.
Yeah, the ship blew up at the end, but by the time it did, I had already spent most of the episode not liking a majority of the characters.
Nobody likes a complainer; the DS9 writers didn’t get the memo.
An ensign named Melora comes to the station with a “disability” – her planet is low-gravity, and by going to Starfleet, she has to adapt to a much higher pull, which makes it virtually impossible for her to walk. She is stuck in a wheelchair and lashes out at everybody, but it becomes this depressing, cliché-laden story about accepting people who are different and being at peace with yourself. Yawn.
First seasons of Star Trek shows often aren’t any good, and Deep Space Nine, despite being the best incarnation of the franchise, was no exception. Here, we have a completely pointless, stupid episode featuring Q.
The story wasn’t entertaining, and the purpose of the episode seemed to be “let’s get Q in there.” The problem is that there was nothing memorable about it, and it felt more annoying than Q’s appearances usually are. Boring.
9. Profit and Lace
Admittedly, when I first saw this episode lo those many years ago, I didn’t mind it. Granted, it’s been years since I’ve seen it, but it’s here because (1) it hasn’t exactly grown on me and (2) reviews of the episode have generally been awful. Many consider it to be one of the worst of the series, so it should be on this list.
If you wanted to see what Quark looked like with boobs, then this episode is for you. I’ll have to warn you, though: if you’ve not seen it, it may give you nightmares, but there are “happy pills” you can take for that.
Take a planet which is phasing in and out of normal space-time, remerging once every half-century or so, and let the Defiant encounter it. They beam down and Dax meets some dude with whom she falls in love and wants to end her career to be with him. In the end, she can’t, because she can’t shift into their dimension, and she returns to Starfleet disappointed and unsexed.
Dax was remarkably out of character in this episode. Her character had been established as one who recognized duty and was a wise old sage; here, she opts to dump Starfleet and go to another dimension to be with a guy she just met. Right.
All this episode amounted to was a crappy love story which made no sense.
7. Let He Who Is Without Sin…
Worf, Dax, and others are set to enjoy a vacation on the warm, sunny, and loosely-moral planet Risa, they meet a band of fundamentalists who are on a crusade against said lack of values. Not only has it corrupted the planet, they claim, but it has also corrupted the Federation. To achieve their ends and make sure nobody enjoys themselves, they sabotage the weather suppression system so it’s boring and rainy.
This episode did two key things wrong; the first is that it was a yawner. The second is that it ended up being preachy and yet somehow completely missed the mark. The whole concept was executed poorly.
Sometimes, Star Trek does comedy well. This was one of the times where it didn’t.
Lwaxana Troi (groan) comes to Deep Space Nine with a fever. Well, two fevers: one is for Odo’s gooey, amorphous manhood, and the second is an alien disease which makes her project her feelings onto other people telepathically. As a result, everyone who even comes close to her starts acting like a horny teenager.
There’s nothing wrong with doing a light episode – if it’s good. This wasn’t.
5. The Muse
Meet Jake Sisko, writer. Meet Onaya, a strange broad who likes “working” with artists – and by that we mean sucking out the creative energies of the brain like a parasite.
For a while, nobody seems to notice that a weird space cougar is hanging around Sisko all the time, but then again, they’re distracted by Lwaxana Troi (groan), who is somehow pregnant at her age and marries Odo.
This episode was very creepy, as was the alien woman.
4. Second Sight
A mysterious woman with strange hair starts coming onto Ben Sisko; viewer boredom ensues.
This woman, Fenna, just happens to show up on Deep Space Nine right around the anniversary of Sisko’s wife’s death, and what a surprise, they fall in love quickly.
Here we have a slow, contrived, Sisko’s-got-a-girlfriend episode which damn near put me to sleep, but then we find out that his new squeeze is a telepathic psychoprojection by some guy’s wife. Don’t worry if you’re lost; you’re not missing much, anyway.
3. The Storyteller
Imagine Miles O’Brien as the spiritual leader of a village, and his main job is to ward off evil cloud monsters. He takes over the job – more like is thrust into the job – when their former leader kicks the bucket before he could vanquish the beast.
This episode almost reminds me of a sitcom (except it was much more depressing): O’Brien beams down to the planet, gets stuck in a crazy situation, has to work his way out of it, and it’s happily ever after.
I’m pretty sure Captain Kirk would have just hit it with a few photon torpedoes and called it an episode.
2. If Wishes Were Horses
When Rumplestiltskin is making appearances on Star Trek, you know you’ve got a seriously bad episode.
Kind of like one of the worst TOS episodes, Shore Leave, whatever the crew of Deep Space Nine imagines becomes reality. The difference is that in this one, what is being “imagined” are actually alien life forms, and everything they’ve cooked up, including a spatial rupture which threatened to destroy the station, was their doing.
I tried wishing that the episode would end, but it didn’t work. Where were those mysterious aliens when I needed them most? Buncha lazy sons of bitches.
1. 1. Move Along Home
ALLAMARAINE! (loud cheers)
Sisko, Dax, Kira, and all the rest become pieces in a game, but not just any game – a deadly game!
A species called the Wadi visit Deep Space Nine, and they’re all about playing games. Quark gets pissed off at them for winning so much, rigs the dabo wheel, and to get back at him/teach him a lesson, they make the cast pieces in a life-sized game. Any false move he makes could kill them all, or so he believes.
Kira does hop scotch, people die, a rock falls on Dax – and then, just when we think they’re all hopelessly screwed, the game ends and everyone is safe. Finally, in a complete cop-out by the writers, the Wadi representative says “it’s only a game!” and you realize you just wasted an hour of your life on the most inane, pointless, and eye roll-worthy episode this show ever produced.
This one had it all, with poor writing and childish rhymes included.