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Old December 23 2011, 04:45 AM   #74
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Re: Fan Film Writer's Primer

USS Intrepid wrote: View Post
Maurice Navidad wrote: View Post
My problem with the episode is more fundamental. My take on it is the Problem is that Hunter must decide whether or not to accept promotion to a position he's not comfortable taking, which is all fine and good, and a valid Problem. The trouble is, the Complications in the story don't take off from the Inciting Incident that put Hunter in this position, and the plot event don't actually seem to make his decision harder. What in the ensuing situation makes drives Hunter to make the Decision he ends up making?
Respectfully, I have to disagree (at least partially) on this point Maurice, because I think what happens to Hunter after the teaser does drive his decision to assume the mantle of command, we just don't do as good a job of portraying that as we should have.

I also don't entirely agree that the events from the teaser aren't related to the rest of the plot. It is the driving force behind Hunter's actions, his dilemma arises directly from that incident. Again, though, I'd agree that's not as clear as it could be. However, I would suggest that just because it isn't a physically linked event doesn't separate it emotionally from everything else.

There are essentially two stories running side by side here. The situation with the colony, and Hunter's dilemma (which is really the major plot). Hunter works through his issues by actually being a good leader when it counts, eventually deciding he is (mostly) competent and the right person to assume command, having grown into the role throughout the story. Now this may not be entirely clear in what ended up on screen, but that's what I was going for.

I think some of this is lost in the shuffle because there's actually too much plot (another reason I really regret the Section 31 subplot). And that really is the major issue I personally have with it; there's far too much going on, and the major theme does tend to get a lost.

Now I do agree, the script really could have done with another pass or two, but like I said, for a first effort its really not that bad. Heck, I didn't know anything about three act structure back then, so it's a miracle it's as coherent as it is.

As far as comparing it to The Cage, keep in mind I was trying to emulate a TNG/DS9 type story, so the intent was for more of an ensemble show than TOS.
As always, thanks for being so open to discuss. I always appreciate that you're willing to entertain critique even if you happen to disagree. That's a very professional attitude.

While I take your point, I agree that perhaps the flaw is in the implementation rather than in the through-line of the story.

What I thought you were trying to get across was what I call "betraying yourself to yourself", in which a character thinks they shouldn't/cannot do something, but their very actions reveal to them that they actually can/should do it. Hunter doesn't think he should be the Captain, but he ends up acting like one, and comes to recognize this in himself.

Am I warm?

I agree that the sound issues hurt the overall presentation. I'm not thrown by the accents, but the sound was pretty muddy in places and I did have a difficult time catching everything that was said.
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