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Old December 22 2011, 10:10 PM   #72
USS Intrepid
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Location: Dundee, Scotland, UK
Re: Fan Film Writer's Primer

Maurice Navidad wrote: View Post
My problem with the episode is more fundamental. My take on it is the Problem is that Hunter must decide whether or not to accept promotion to a position he's not comfortable taking, which is all fine and good, and a valid Problem. The trouble is, the Complications in the story don't take off from the Inciting Incident that put Hunter in this position, and the plot event don't actually seem to make his decision harder. What in the ensuing situation makes drives Hunter to make the Decision he ends up making?
Respectfully, I have to disagree (at least partially) on this point Maurice, because I think what happens to Hunter after the teaser does drive his decision to assume the mantle of command, we just don't do as good a job of portraying that as we should have.

I also don't entirely agree that the events from the teaser aren't related to the rest of the plot. It is the driving force behind Hunter's actions, his dilemma arises directly from that incident. Again, though, I'd agree that's not as clear as it could be. However, I would suggest that just because it isn't a physically linked event doesn't separate it emotionally from everything else.

There are essentially two stories running side by side here. The situation with the colony, and Hunter's dilemma (which is really the major plot). Hunter works through his issues by actually being a good leader when it counts, eventually deciding he is (mostly) competent and the right person to assume command, having grown into the role throughout the story. Now this may not be entirely clear in what ended up on screen, but that's what I was going for.

I think some of this is lost in the shuffle because there's actually too much plot (another reason I really regret the Section 31 subplot). And that really is the major issue I personally have with it; there's far too much going on, and the major theme does tend to get a lost.

Now I do agree, the script really could have done with another pass or two, but like I said, for a first effort its really not that bad. Heck, I didn't know anything about three act structure back then, so it's a miracle it's as coherent as it is.

As far as comparing it to The Cage, keep in mind I was trying to emulate a TNG/DS9 type story, so the intent was for more of an ensemble show than TOS.
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Last edited by USS Intrepid; December 22 2011 at 11:27 PM.
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