Since I hate people posting page after page of their work with no comments I'll respond.
What I've read so far reads well enough, it is certainly a 'readable' piece of fanfiction, by which I mean it flows well and doesn't require much effort.
This is a good thing in case that is unclear, there is nothing worse than a fanfic that requires the services of an Enigma machine in order to understand.
It's always enjoyable to see some events through the eyes of people other than the usual Starfleet officers.
To sum up, this was an enjoyable enough read, written by someone with an obvious flair for writing Star Trek fanfiction.