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Old August 24 2011, 01:27 AM   #1538
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I want to thank DS9Sega for his input and the recollection of his involvement with The Atlantis Invaders for the Johnson Brothers. It's interesting that we made many of the same observations, but it appears we have different solutions.

I still think the overall story is mostly salvageable, but only if an actual theme is found, the characters act logically, and some real emotion is found...

Were it my job to write a Star Trek script from start to finish, I would try as hard as I can to insert at least one moment in my story that has some of the poignancy as my two favorite TOS moments: the first is the speech by Matt Decker in THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE as he tells Kirk about the final fate of the Constellation's crew. The second is at the end of A PRIVATE LITTLE WAR, where Kirk's childhood friend Tyree desperately fights off the enemy villagers who killed his wife...

DS9Sega rightly points out how complicated and near-unmanageable The Atlantis Invaders is at the 3rd draft stage, and I've decided for the sake of sanity (and so that I won't still be writing this in 5 years), to try instead to analyze according to the 4 major players in this story: those would be Garrovick, DIRECTOR/ Callahan, the amphibians and Tri'tillya. To find a clear direction for all 4 within this story.

...So off I go back to my little exercise, and as before all input and opinions are welcome...

Last edited by Bixby; August 24 2011 at 01:58 AM.
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