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Old August 8 2011, 03:18 AM   #1517
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Location: Canada

And that above was the general synopsis. After writing all of that I have a few observations to make:

(1) The script is clearly too long: at 60 pages on paper with multiple fight sequences, it is obvious some cutting is necessary to help it fit into a 50 to 53 minute running time (nowadays with 3 minute-long commercial breaks it would have to be even shorter, but I am assuming EXETER studio would wish to remain faithful to 1965 network standards)

(2) Going from that, I would think it necessary to combine the characters of the Director and Brian Callahan into a single character, from a standpoint of having less guest starring actors to juggle, and less FX-heavy sequences to clutter up the ending. Callahan seems to have been created only to follow the Trek tradition of having a main character’s childhood or academy acquaintance as part of the opposing side. But unlike Gary Mitchell, Finnegan or many other of Jim Kirk’s classmates and teachers, Brian Callahan’s personality (other than being a smooth-talker) remains very elusive and undefined.
The Director seems to have been intended to be a more ruthless Nilz Baris, but his motivations are obscure other than greed, but it is never explained why he couldn’t become more rich selling to the Federation rather than the Orions.

(3) As I’ve mentioned before, the ‘love’ subplot between John Garrovick and Tri’tillya feels unnecessary to the story (you will notice I did not mention it in the synopsis). It is also completely devoid of conflict: just why is Tri’tillya so attracted to Garrovick rather than a member of her own people? She basically betrays her people to rescue Garrovick, disobeying a direct command issued by her own father, and never does she feel anguish at doing so. And again, her personality seems very murky, apart from being beautiful and feeling sexual desire towards the Captain.
Her character could be replaced by a male member of her race, whose only goal is to save his people and that character would fit as well.

(4) In fact, many of the characters’ motivations are left unclear. I will enumerate them as we go more in detail...
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