Back to the OP: I would solve the mortgage/consumer debt crisis
by getting all of the world's financial databases in one place and talking them to death
. There would be a tremendous feel-good moment as citizens of earth are liberated from their underwater mortgages and crushing debts from stuff they couldn't afford to pay cash for in the first place, followed by some good-natured ribbing between my first officer and CMO. Then we ride off into the sunset.
Naturally, we never stop back to see how our crippling of the world's financial system might
have had a few negative side effects.