So I'm staying up, this morning, like every morning, waiting to wake up dad so he can get off to work on time, and I'm looking through some Facebook photos of friends from high school. I see all of the grown up faces, parents with children, these same parents I knew as fellow high school students. Then I think of how long it's been since I saw these people in person, and it has been 11 years. 11 years since my Senior year in high school.
That wasn't the odd part, I've ruminated on my high school years before, but it was the reaction I felt this time, and I have never felt it before. I felt this burning sensation in my eyes, almost as if I were about to cry, but without the accompanying sadness that goes along with it. If I were to describe the feeling, it would be emptiness, with a sense of foreboding, and a hot feeling, like a desert, behind that sense of emptiness. Does anyone follow at this point?
Anyway, and I glance down at the clock on my desktop, the Windows clock, and it says 4:53 AM, and then 9/16/2010 underneath. And I start staring at the 9/16/2010, then just the 2010 part of the date, and for some reason I just can't stop looking at the year 2010, and visually subtracting years from it and adding to them. I tilt my head sideways, like a dog would hearing a high whistle, and I just keep staring at the date, all the while this burning sensation of crying in my eyes, and this feeling of utter emptiness, and it's the strangest
feeling I've ever had in my life. The most out of place thing on top of that? The sudden awareness of silence. Suddenly, there wasn't a noise to be heard anywhere in the house, and my whole body started feeling hot/heated, and that I was alone in the room and was totally aware of it. Focused on it.
I couldn't decide on whether I should just disregard it and go on doing what I was doing, or post about it here in the hopes of, well, something, I don't know what.