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Old September 2 2010, 06:30 AM   #15
Re: RLM finally did it.

Dac wrote: View Post
Just brilliant. He's spot on too. I love the film as a film. The second you try to think of it as a part of the Trek legacy it kinda falls apart in my mind, but if you don't think about it and just enjoy it, it remains brilliant.
Brilliant? Brilliant. What movie were YOU watching?

11 minutes into the movie, and I had to quit.

First of all, I'm guessing that the "Star Date" is determined by examining the relative position of the stars....the universe is constantly expanding post big bang, at a fairly consistent rate. Therefore, you measure time by the position of stars, right?

So. The huge bad-guy ship shows up. The bad guys demand that the captain come over in a shuttle to negotiate cease-fire terms. Once he arrives, they ask the captain what the star date is.

What the fu*k? A ship that sophisticated, and they don't auto-scan the surrounding on arrival, and pretty much instantaneously know the star date? Explain that.

And why come over on a shuttle instead of beam over? Well, some pretty good reasons, and this is at least one good aspect of the movie......the bad guys have shields up, and it stands to reason that would prevent transporter beams just as much as phaser fire. But....I strongly suspect I'm giving the writers too much credit. Eleven minutes in, and this movie is a steaming pile of turd.

Really the first "uck" moment was on deck in the background...there is a crew member that is clearly not human, but is also just as certainly humanoid. This has been the bane of bad SF movies and TV for decades. They at least had an excuse for putting a rubber mask on a guy and calling that an alien, decades ago when budgets were tight and technology sucked, but this is the CGI age for crissakes. Sweet baby jesus, the aliens all came from different gravity, different atmospheres. How the hell can they all be on the same command deck, at ONE temperature, ONE atmospheric pressure, breathing the same air mixture, under the same gravity? What the fuck??? At least a couple would be in space suits. But we get mister crew member in a rubber mask....and later, the delivery nurse is just another humanoid alien with heavy makeup....but caucasian skin, of course. Retch.

Now, if you're going to finally answer the question of "where did life come from" with the answer " billions of years ago, a humanoid master race planted genetic seeds of approximate similarity in numerous solar systems, resulting in a broad variety of extremely-similar humanoid races" then, okay, I'd grudgingly accept it.

So, two arms, two legs, a head with two eyes, etcetera. Some funny rubber skin, move a couple of things around, maybe model the "alien" on an Earth animal. Retch and/or yawn. But where is the variation at least due to the fact that they came from different planets? For gods sake! Humans get a sunburn if there is a tiny variation in sunlight. You're gonna tell me that half a dozen alien types can be on the command deck with humans, and not be screaming in agony from the light being too dark, or too bright? Where is the equipment they're using to cope? What. The. Fuck!

Next puke moment is Mister Kirk. Yes, of course, when I'm evacuating an entire starship single-handedly, naturally there is going to be ample time to be carrying on a conversation over the radio with my pregnant wife.

Next puke moment is his pregant wife, who looks about 40 years old....yet Kirk looks like he is maybe 22 years old? It's not impossible, but...uck. Worst of all, of course, the actress su*ks donkey b*lls. Just horrible. And of course, as the baby is squirting out, they cut to scenes of the escape shuttles squirting out of the ship.
What a massive fu*king FAIL.

And, of course, they hold the conversation about what to name the kid at the moment of his birth. That's real the previous nine months, it just never occured to them to discuss this, but now that I'm ramming the starship into the bad guys, lets chat about baby names.

Whoever did this movie needs to have lighter fluid poured into his eyes and lit.
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