I've not read the entirety of the Expanded Universe books, but I do love the X-Wing series, and so I did enjoy the arrival of Kirtan Loor to the story. You seem to have caught his arrogance and superciliousness well.
As always, a well written piece of work. It's the little details that make it come alive, Han tapping a finger against his leg whilst waiting for a door to open, or his memories of what Ly' had said about his eating habits. Things like that add depth to the narrative.