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Old June 21 2010, 05:50 AM   #19
Timby
GIVE ME YOUR FACE
 
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Re: Good, GOD, VILE SUBSTANCES!

The best way to cook a steak is to take a cast-iron pan, put it on your stovetop, get it hotter than the surface of the sun, and then sear the steak for about 40 - 50 seconds on each side. Then toss the pan into a 450-degree oven and let the steak cook for about 2 1/2 - 3 minutes, then flip once and let it cook for another 2 1/2 - 3 minutes. Remove the pan from the oven, let the steak rest for about five minutes so it can re-absorb the juices (this is essential; if you don't let a steak rest, you're doing it wrong), plate with some grilled asparagus, sit down and eat your medium-rare slab of fucking heaven.

Anyway, now that the steak de-rail is over...

I've mentioned this epic fuck-up before (and I see I'm in the same category as Trekker), but nothing in my culinary history will ever top the day I learned -- the hard way -- that no matter how much the bottles look the same, and no matter how very much you wish it to be true, vanilla extract and liquid smoke are not and will never be the same thing. Mmm, barbecue-flavored cookies.

And then there was the classic night that had me grumbling, "Why the fuck won't this roux come together? And what smells like caramel?"

And, finally, while reducing stock, in order to store it and use it in dishes later, is one of life's most beautiful and simple ways to take your cooking to a whole new level, it is something that should not be done late at night while drunk.

Uh, Timby?

Mmmmmpnnph.

Timby, it's 3 in the morning, what is hell that smell?

Last edited by Timby; June 21 2010 at 06:07 AM.
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