That's a little post-modern goal-post moving, isn't it? Of course, these aren't "real" people but, in order for drama to have any resonance, we have to play the game of make-believe that they are.
And I repeat: the Kirk of Trek '09 is shown to be just as calculating as Gary, with a nasty whiff of racism-by-proxy thrown in for good measure. The only times we've seen Kirk use women in TOS was either when he was spurred by deep-seated obsession ("Conscience of the King") or by an imminent threat to himself and his crew ("By Any Other Name" and "The Gamesters of Triskelion"). The stakes in Trek '09 are nothing like either of those.
You were right the first time, when you were agreeing with me.