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Old November 20 2009, 10:13 AM   #2
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Location: The 1980's
Re: Voyager for people who hate Voyager

Season 6:

1. Equinox, part 2

The Equinox is destroyed, even though it looks way cooler than voyager. This made me sad. Watchable.

2. Survival Instinct

Seven discovers more unassimilated borg. Apparently de-assimilation happens all the time in the Borg collective. Too bad, I kinda liked tough borg. Pass.

3. Barge of the Dead

This episode is famous for being Ronald D. Moore's last Star Trek script. It features klingon mysticism nonsense. Too bad RDM. Pass.

4. Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy

The origin of the "Emergency Command Hologram" which is, quite possibly, the stupidest thing anyone has ever done in Star Trek... oh wait.. I forgot about that salamander thing and Tuvix. Okay, this is the THIRD stupidest thing in all of Star Trek. Awful Awful Awful, do not watch!!

5. Alice

Tom Paris' shuttle falls in love with him.. or something like that. Anyways, it also wants to kill him. Pass.

6. Riddles

The biggest riddle is how this episode made it to air. Tuvok story with mystical nonsense. Pass.

7. Dragon's Teeth

Voyager discovers aliens in stasis (wow, haven't seen that before). Not bad, but pretty boring. Watchable.

8. One Small Step

Once again, Voyager encounters crap from Earth alllll the way out in the delta quadrant. This time hauled off by a graviton ellipse. Watchable, but not memorable.

9. The Voyager Conspiracy

Seven goes bonkers again. Pass.

10. Pathfinder

A very good episode, mostly because it's a Barclay episode. Very Watchable, almost good.

11. Fair Haven

Janeway romance. Pass.

12. Blink of an Eye

An interesting take on time travel. Voyager is orbiting a planet that develops from stone age to super advanced in a matter of hours. Watchable, and even good.

13. Virtuoso

The doctor sings. A lot. He sings opera. Awful. Do not watch.

14. Memorial

A giant stone alien penis makes everyone hallucinate. Pass.

15. Tsunkatse

The Rock beats the crap out of Seven of Nine. Finally! Watchable and amusing.

16. Collective

Seven deassimilates.. borg children. As sad as that sounds, it's better than it seems. Sort of interesting to see borg children. Sort of annoying too. Sort of watchable.

17. Spirit Folk

Holodeck malfunction and Janeway romance in the same episode. Doublepass.

18. Ashes to Ashes

Kim's girlfriend died, and now she's an alien zombie. The Doctor fixes her, but she'd rather be dead. Poor Kim. Pass.

19. Child's Play

An Icheb/Seven story that is better played in Icheb's side. Lame, but watchable.

20. Good Shepherd

Janeway decides that all the losers on Voyager should all go on the same away mission at the same time... shocker.. things go wrong. Zoe Mclellan guest stars (yay!) Watchable, but predictable.

21. Live Fast and Prosper

A completely awful episode in which con artists impersonate Voyager crew.. poorly. Do not watch.

22. Muse

A completely awful episode about a society creating Shakespeare-like plays based on shuttlecraft logs. Do not watch.

23. Fury

Kes is back, and girlfriend's maaaaaadddd. Pass.

24. Life Line

A Voyager episode that features Troi prominently.. One of the best Voyager episodes. Most watchable.

25. The Haunting of Deck Twelve

Neelix tells ghost stories to children. Pass.

26. Unimatrix Zero

The Zero is for how much plot there is. Season finale. Pass.

Season 7:

1. Unimatrix Zero, part 2

Janeway, Tuvok, and Torres are assimilated, and then deassimilated. Sorry, Picard, that whole locutus deal was just a hat trick. Awful, do not watch.

2. Imperfection

One of Seven's brain implants malfunctions.. but this is an Icheb episode.. and darned it he doesn't rock it. This Voyager episode is actually GOOD. It makes you want more Icheb. Too bad you won't get much more Icheb.

3. Drive

A space race episode with ridiculous racing outfits. Pass.

4. Repression

Tuvok goes bonkers. Pass.

5. Critical Care

The Doctor is kidnapped. Watchable but boring.

6. Inside Man

The Ferengi reprogram a holo-barclay to kidnap Seven of Nine for her nanoprobes. Interesting depiction of Starfleet from an Admiral's perspective. Watchable.

7. Body and Soul

The Doctor makes Seven of Nine act like an idiot. Pass.

8. Nightingale

Harry Kim botches his first command, and is assisted by Seven of Nine, who has never commanded anything. Watchable, but not interesting.

9. Flesh and Blood

Hirogen.. urgh. Malfunctioning holograms.. double urgh. Pass.

10. Shattered

Voyager is split into different timeframes.. and only Chakotay can save the ship! Did you know that when you inject your body with a formula that allows you to travel in time, it also injects your clothes? Watchable, but lame.

11. Lineage

Torres goes bonkers again. Awful. Do not watch.

12. Repentance

An overly preachy commentary on prison systems. Pass.

13. Prophecy

Klingons think that Torres' baby is the Klingon messiah.. and another useful alpha quadrant ship is destroyed meaninglessly! Not only that, but none of the Klingons stick around! LAME! Pass.

14. The Void

The universe finally gets tired of Voyager and flushes it down a cosmic toilet bowl that nobody can get out of.. oh wait, they get out of it. I am so shocked. Watchable, and entertaining.

15. Workforce

The entire crew's memory is erased and they are programmed to believe that they are minimum wage workers in an alien factory town. To make matters worse, the Emergency Command Hologram is back, AND it outranks Harry Kim, an actual starfleet officer. AWFUL. Do not watch.

16. Human Error

Seven wants to get it on with Chakotay, but the Borg have programmed her to self destruct if she gets too turned on. At least Chakotay isn't stuck with stupid Seska. A shame Seven doesn't have better taste. Watchable, but ultimately forgettable.

17. Q2

O's son is having a discipline problem... so he has Janeway babysit. The worst Q episode ever created. Pass.

18. Author, Author

The Doctor's awful holonovel is plagarized by people in the Alpha Quadrant. The legality of the doctor's sentience is called into question. Watchable, but bland.

19. Friendship One

Dumbass aliens blow themselves up with an ancient Earth space probe. Janeway assumes responsibility for the stupid aliens. Barely watchable.

20. Natural Law

A completely boring episode involving preserving cavemen from a technologically advanced society. Pass.

21. Homestead

Neelix LEAVES VOYAGER FOREVER! This is my kind of episode. Watchable!

22. Renaissance Man

The Doctor is spying for aliens. Boring. Pass. Neelix isn't in this episode though, so that's awesome.

23. Endgame

About 40% of this episode is reset button. Janeway finally makes it back to earth some 20 years after the show ends, but she's sad that Chakotay died, so she goes back in time to save herself from her own incompetance... and her younger self screws everything up anyway. Perhaps most distressing, you never do see Voyager get home, even though the last scene is it approaching Earth. Seeing Voyager get back to earth and the conclusions to all the characters is a no brainer, and still they couldn't deliver. Awful, but you have to watch it because it's the finale. On the up side, Alice Krige is the Borg queen, must better than that other lame one they had in the series.
King of the Nerds,
Lord of Abandonware,
Swashbuckling Space-Hero.
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