Much of what I've read here sounds so familiar that I could have probably written it myself.
I'm something of a loner in that I don't mind doing many things on my own. Also I've never been a "gang" person and prefer the company of a few good friends over hanging out with large groups of people that I know only passingly. I've never believed that you could be really good friends with scores of people although you can be easy going and get along well with most people you encounter.
I also don't feel the compulsion to fill my time with noise. My pursuits can go on for hours without having to turn a radio or TV on just to hear voices and fill the quietude.
Recently I just moved to a new community--and one that's smaller--where I have family and in that sense I won't be as lonely as before. Still, that said I still get lonely in the romantic sense, and I feel it more acutely than usual at times, particularly around holidays, birthdays and whenever there's something I'd like to share.
I'm certainly not repulsive or unappealing. I may have some difficulty reading signals but I'm much better than when I was younger. I don't wear my interests on my sleeve and I'm informed and interested enough to talk about pretty much anything from the trivial to the meaningful.
I, too, have wondered if I will be alone for the rest of my life, but I try not to dwell on it. I hope not. I've loved three women in my life and sadly none panned out, yet I still carry warm feelings for each of them. And I carry no resentment towards my failed loves because I try not to take it too personally. They made their choices because they felt they were the right ones and whatever they were looking for they just didn't see it in me. I know they also harbour no ill feeling towards me and I still communicate with two of them somewhat regularly.
Yet an ember of hope still burns. I'm a decent looking fellow with good manners, an easy going nature, clean and decently groomed. I carry no extra weight and I'm slim with a job that keeps me reasonable fit for my age. I also have a wicked sense of humour and a healthy romantic streak.
If I had to list the strikes against me presently (as I perceive them) when it comes to women they be:
- Presently don't have a car.
- Money was very tight until just recently.
- I've never been particularly ambitious in the conventional sense eager for an exceptional job and making lots of money.
- I'm sometimes unsure regarding reading signals.
- I've never been aggressive when it comes to women.
On the last point I also learned very quickly and early not to be a wuss or a doormat. I can be easy going, but I draw the line if someone tries to take advantage of me or take me for granted. I will assert myself.
I might also add another strike: I'm reasonably intelligent. And I've been told that often enough as well. But what I really mean to say is that I'm not likely someone who could be easily wrapped around one's finger. I can be just too damned stubborn for that.
In that respect (and a few others) I'm very much like my father, which is good because dad has never been anyone's fool.