I agree with Kestra
, Mr. Laser Beam
-- there's no age at all where you're "supposed to be married". It's not a mandatory part of life, and it's not for everyone anyway; I'm not completely opposed to the idea, but I don't really see myself getting married, and I'm certainly okay with that. If anyone ever tells me that I "should be married by now", they're going to get an earful.
As for the subject at hand, though... yeah, I'm kind of lonely. I probably wouldn't admit this to too many people in real life, but it's true. Friend-wise, I have no one I'm close to... I don't think I've gone out socializing with anyone in months. There are days I don't even have any human contact.
It's only started to become noticeable in the last year, when I finally decided to move out and live on my own. I had always lived with my family, so I had them around, but I felt I was becoming too dependent on them, so I left. Plus, I was in school up till a couple years ago, so I had other students/peers that I could talk to and occasionally socialize with, even if I wasn't close to any of them. I was constantly surrounded by people, and now that I'm not, it's really become clear to me how much of an isolated loner I really am. I also haven't had steady work in a while... just odd jobs here and there, so workplace friendships aren't really possible at the moment. My current job is seasonal, and while there are plenty of people around, most are teenagers, and I can't really connect with them (nor do I have much of a desire to).
Honestly, I don't know what to do. On some level, I've always known I was a bit anti-social, but I've always shrugged it off and tried not to let it get to me, but that's been harder to do now that I'm on my own. I'm just at a bit of a loss, frankly.
And don't even get me started on romance... well, okay, if you insist.
I've never had any sort of non-platonic relationship with a woman (assuming, of course, that one doesn't count a handful of one-night stands as "relationships"); frankly, I'm not even sure I could be in one. I wouldn't know what to do... but since my status as a single man is unlikely to change anytime in the near future, that's probably not something I really need to worry about. I just never get the sense that any women I meet are interested in me (well, on occasion, a couple have openly expressed interest, but regrettably it was never mutual). Plus I have some self-esteem issues that date back a number of years, many of which continue to plague me. On a conscious level, I know I'm intelligent, friendly, and nice-looking (or at least that's what I'd like to believe
), but it's just hard for me to fathom the idea of a woman I like being interested in me. And thus we arrive at my constant singleness.
Like the friendship thing, I try not to let this bother me; I've always said that a person shouldn't let their happiness or fulfillment be dictated by whether or not they have a romantic partner. But at times, I do get lonely... and, yeah, I'll admit it, horny as well. It would be nice to have someone to talk to sometimes, someone to just be with
-- mentally and physically. I suppose that, for most people, it's a natural human need. Unfortunately, for me, it ain't happening, and it's not likely to anytime soon; I just don't see myself breaking out of this isolation I've driven myself into. I mean, I never say never... maybe some day I'll be able to escape my pattern -- but I wouldn't bet on it.
Well... that's my soul-baring whine for the day. Who's next?