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Old August 17 2009, 09:25 AM   #218
Trekker4747
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Bad Bishop wrote: View Post
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captcalhoun wrote: View Post
i just want Flint and Jaye in the sequel. couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else. preferably with Jaye being played by Jen Garner. (C'mon, Sydney Bristow was a 5-year audition for 'fit brunette who kicks ass and disguises herself a lot' Lady Jaye)
Yeah, I love those two. But there is no way in Hell is this a good movie. It's Stephen Sommers. It's impossible for him to direct a good movie. Impossible I say. All these good reviews are just critics thinking it would be funny to fuck with people.
It's too bad that some people hate Stephen Sommers. Maybe the studio should have tried to get an A-list director for this film. Just imagine Martin Scorsese's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. There would be fewer special effects and more dramatic, emotional interactions between the characters. Most of the cast would be Italian, and the males would sweat and curse a lot.

I can see it now. Duke prevents the destruction of Paris, but falls into the hands of the Baroness and her henchmen. The remaining warheads are brought to Baron DeCobray (the Baroness's husband) to be weaponized. In this version Baron DeCobray is fully aware of his wife's past, and that she was engaged to Duke. Baron is filled with rage at the thought that his wife was with another man four years ago. This leads to an ugly confrontation with Duke.

Duke: "You an' everybody here are fuckin' nuts. Blowing up Paris! The woman I knew never woulda been involved in any of this shit!"

Baron: "The woman you knew, huh? Tell me something, Mister Hero. You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "What?!"

Baron: "You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Where do you get your balls big enough to ask me that anyway? Let me out of these cuffs and let's discuss it outside! C'mon, ya motherfucker!!"

Etc., etc.
Jesus!

People always take stuff like "I hate director X" to the extreme.

Just because people don't like a certain director doesn't mean the movie had to be the complete polar opposite! No one said the movie had to be high-art, but if it had a slightly more talented director it could've been less forgetable.
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