Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion
Bad Bishop wrote:
i just want Flint and Jaye in the sequel. couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else. preferably with Jaye being played by Jen Garner. (C'mon, Sydney Bristow was a 5-year audition for 'fit brunette who kicks ass and disguises herself a lot' Lady Jaye)
Yeah, I love those two. But there is no way in Hell is this a good movie. It's Stephen Sommers. It's impossible for him to direct a good movie. Impossible I say. All these good reviews are just critics thinking it would be funny to fuck with people.
It's too bad that some people hate Stephen Sommers. Maybe the studio should have tried to get an A-list director for this film. Just imagine Martin Scorsese's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
. There would be fewer special effects and more dramatic, emotional interactions between the characters. Most of the cast would be Italian, and the males would sweat and curse a lot.
I can see it now. Duke prevents the destruction of Paris, but falls into the hands of the Baroness and her henchmen. The remaining warheads are brought to Baron DeCobray (the Baroness's husband) to be weaponized. In this version Baron DeCobray is fully aware of his wife's past, and that she was engaged to Duke. Baron is filled with rage at the thought that his wife was with another man four years ago. This leads to an ugly confrontation with Duke.
Duke: "You an' everybody here are fuckin' nuts. Blowing up Paris! The woman I knew never woulda been involved in any of this shit!"
Baron: "The woman you knew, huh? Tell me something, Mister Hero. You fucked my wife?"
Baron: "You fucked my wife?"
Duke: "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Where do you get your balls big enough to ask me that anyway? Let me out of these cuffs and let's discuss it outside! C'mon, ya motherfucker!!"
Kind of late to the party aren't we? I've already said I took back my criticism of Sommers because I loved the film.
But Scorsese's GI JOE? Fucking epic. Especially if you throw in Mark Wahlberg as Duke and Leo as Flint. Best. Movie. Ever.
"Spider-Man doesn't have fans. He has people who follow him. Like Jesus. Now I have fans! People who adore and worship every little thing I do or say. Like David Koresh. Or The Jonas Brothers."