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Old August 10 2009, 08:15 AM   #135
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Location: TheBolianChef is no more! It's theSpeckledKiwi now!
Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Just as I expected, pretty bad. The biggest summary of this movie:

Missed opportunities.

First off, what they did right?

Zartan - I like Zartan a lot. Visually, he looked nothing like the Zartan from either the comic or cartoon but he had his mannerisms. I like his transformation as well since it made sense that literally, his bones would have to change for him to look like someone else. His whistling was a little creepy but I like it.

Baroness and her brother - Many people don't know that in the comics, the Baroness did, in fact have a brother. Not Cobra Commander but she did have a brother.

Duke - They got him down pretty good as the All-American guy. A little younger than anything though.

The Nightraven - Spot on!

The Sharcs as well!

The casting was pretty good IMO. I like Scarlett with her crossbow (a nice nod). Snake Eyes was great. Heavy Duty as well. I like the nod to Breaker and him chewing gum. And the little cameo of Jinx.

Biggest nod was to the Neo Vipers and the nano-technology. Something that came up in the new comics (Devil Due's) and that was fairly well done. I also like Dr. Mindbender.

But I can't give over how...narrow minded the producers/script writers/whoever was. I mean I really wonder how much Larry Hama had over this script.

I didn't like the Baroness and Duke's relationship. I didn't like they gave Cobra Commander a name, though I can kind of understand going from a used car's salesman to a soldier makes sort of sense but I liked him being a used cars sales man.

I didn't like Snake Eye's decision on being mute. I think they should have left that out.

But going back to how narrow minded the script writers are...unlike Transformers, it isn't hard to throw cameos out there of OTHER soldiers. Even names.

It makes no sense why they didn't have any of their artic special teams out there. Snow Job (change the name), Frostbite or even Iceberg. I mean come on! The team isn't 4 people. Or Torpedo, Wet Suit, Shipwreck, I mean they could have at least thrown names out of specialized soldiers they have (Shipwreck not so much).

Secondly, why was Ripcord the only pilot the Joe's had? I mean aren't they the best of the best? Why couldn't they send planes up. They have Ace, Wild Bill, and a few other great pilots. Why just Ripcord?

That killed the movie for me is how very small they made the universe.
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