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Old August 6 2009, 04:12 PM   #44
captcalhoun
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

i voted excellent. it's not completely excellent, but with a choice between 'above average' and 'excellent', i went excellent.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Okay, they changed stuff, like all this nano-mites crap that means the majority of the villains aren't doing it for the cash, the ideaology or whatever, they're brainwashed. okay, Cobra Commander's not the old used car-salesman from the comic book, BUT they are a lot like the characters in the comics i'm most familiar with.

Snake Eyes is freaking badass. he - as a child - says one line, 'Master...Master...' but other than that says nothing, as he's taken a vow of silence.

Scarlett's hot and a badass. Her crossbow fires laser-guided explosive-tipped arrows.

Duke's badass. He's a real soldier through-and-through, hence a gag from Ripcord that he wasn't born, he's government issue. never seen Tatum in anything before, but he was good. i liked the character.

Heavy Duty's good, he's British and is tough and lugs around a BFG (not the Quake wep, a literal bfg) and takes charge well.

Ripcord's kinda the comic relief, but not in a bad way. he makes wisecracks like McClane in Die Hard and is a stand up guy. I liked him. (when he's been given morphine me makes a joke about Heavy Duty's 'life-like hair' and when HD grabs his wrist he quips he has a 'kung-fu grip' as well as the aforementioned GI joke.)

Hawk is great. Quaid really sells the idea of this guy being a tough nut general who doesn't stand messing.

Cover Girl is wasted as Hawk's aide. and literally by the bad guys.

Breaker's good. I liked him and he's the very Q-like man with all the tech gear.

Arnold Vosloo's good as Zartan and he does wind up shape-shifting and he does use disguises.

Sienna Miller's good as the Baroness. Very much a femme fatale in the way you expect and way hot.

Ecclestone's good as James McCullen. Very much a Bondian villain and winds up as 'Destro' at the end.

Storm Shadow's approriately badass and very much the cold ninja killer. Sadly, no redemption plot for him in 2...

Doctor Mindbender gets a name check and brief appearance, but you only know him as Mindbender from the name.

The Doctor, the man who will be Cobra Commander. Very nasty, very much a comic book villain in appearance and methods. I liked him (in a 'good villain' way)

The Pit's very impressive. as is MARS' underwater facility. (Think Bond turned up to 12) There's a cameo appearance from Brendan Fraser as 'Sgt. Stone' who appears to be a PT instructor type and very no-nonsense. There's a brief glimpse of an Asian woman who does martial arts, possibly Jinx? at least an allusion/homage in the same way the X-flicks did in the first 2 movies with Shadowcat and Jubilee.

They're very much a team and no one character's the hero - unlike the X-flicks where Wolverine rode roughshod over everyone else. Duke's captured and it falls to a chick, an Arab and two black guys to rescue him.

Yes, they're international. No, they're not based in Brussels. Actually, Egypt. No, they're not 'Global Integrated Joint Operations Entity' or whatever bullshit backronym it was, they're simply 'G.I. Joe'. And, despite the internationality, it doesn't really affect the story.

Basically, if you're in doubts as to whether to see it, think of it as a modern Bond movie, but with a team saving the day, not one man.

9/10
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