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Old June 25 2009, 01:01 AM   #98
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Location: A Quesada Free Zone.
Re: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Grading & Discussion

It reminded me a lot of Pirates 2. Alot of stupid, mindless, meaningless, but extremely gorgeous crap thrown in there to make up for a muddled and shaky script. Twilight is exactly correct though. You're not really sure what is going on, why you should care, or why it is happening. Because you have little to no empathy or relation to the plot or characters, you just don't give a shit. So scenes that should be exciting, are boring because of it. You just get tired of the explosions and just want them to move along with the fucking plot. Which, because it gets dragged down by all this stupid bullshit, moves along at a snails pace.

Micheal Bay must just think he's the King of Comedy. All of his films are full of this stupid, immature brand of comedy. And sometimes it works. Like in Bad Boys 1 or the first Transformers. And it works becuase it doesn't distract from the plot or story, and is secondary to everything else. But then he goes overboard with it, like in this film or Bad Boys 2 where it becomes a central point and it distracts and drags down the film and slows down the plot. I mean, did you really have to show 2 rats fucking like humans in Bad Boys 2? Did I really just pay money to see Devestator's nutsack and the Sector 7 Guy's taint? If I did, then fuck you Micheal Bay. This is Transformers not Bruno you moron.

Sam, Mikela, Mom, and Dad are all parodies of themselves. Sam has shown no growth in character at all from the first film and is still the akward teenager trying to get the girl. Only this time she's already won, so his character arc is pointless. Mikela has become Sam's version of Harley Quinn. She's obsessively clingy and borderline stalkerish. And her whole world seems to revolve around him, as she has no character development of her own to speak of. (Honey, you're 18. You are NOT in love. You're just easily impressed.) Dad still gets the job done I suppose. But I'm convinced now his Dad has a fetish for retards, because no mother is has stupid and naive as his wife is. "Brownies from some nice white boys with dreadlocks.". Where you homeschooled or something Mom? Did you ever go to college? God, could you fall for a bigger cliche?

All the new characters were annoying, stupid, and pointless. Grandpa Autobot and The Roomie especially. The Roomie had no reason to be there. And Gramps obviously is senile becuase he could have just gone with them and teleported them to where they needed to go or just flown them there. And how is an SR-71 old btw?

The Chicken and Watermellon Twins just stole Jar Jar Binks's title as the most annoyingly racist CGI characters ever. The only way they could get more racist is if the RC tripplets were fat and white so Clevon and Sharnell would be in love. Why were cool characters like Ironhide, The RC Tripplets, Sideswipe, and The Doc confined to minor roles and these stupid, insulting characters made to be the stars of the show? I dont' mind un-PC humor at all. But this ain't fucking South Park. And Micheal Bay ain't Trey Parker. No matter how much he wants to be. Who thought this was a good idea? Did they not remember the fallout from Jar Jar? And with Jar Jar, it was just implied. They didn't even try to disguise the racist humor here.

Megatron and Starscream are reduced to the roles of the incompetent hired muscle. The Fallen is cliche, boring and completely underwhelming. Jesus Optimus was a tired concept 20 years ago. And The Army Guys basicly do exactly what they did in the first movie, except in reverse. So I think I about covered everything.

The action was well done though. They got rid of the shakey-cam, which I hated. So every scene is right out there in the open. The Sector 7 Guy is still funny. The tech used by The Decepticons is amazing, but they never do anything remotely cool with it. The Fembot was awesome, and they really should have done more with the Transformers looking like humans thing. Seeing the US Army kick ass is always fun as well.

I really can't recommend this film. It's stupid, pointless, and crude. And this is coming from someone who usually likes those 3 things. It has it's moments here and there I guess. But there's just too much mundane crap that drags the film down for it to be totally enjoyable.
"Spider-Man doesn't have fans. He has people who follow him. Like Jesus. Now I have fans! People who adore and worship every little thing I do or say. Like David Koresh. Or The Jonas Brothers."
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