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Old May 18 2009, 03:13 PM   #13
The Laughing Vulcan
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Re: Rating all the films....

TMP - B
Great movie, the heart of what Trek means to me, but hamstrung by the glacial pace, univolving characterisations, and a sterile feel.

TWOK - A-

My favourite Trek movie.

TSFS - B+

An extension of TWOK really...

TVH - B+

Ditto, but fun and funny.

TFF - C+

The only time the TOS characters ever felt right to me. And I find that I enjoy this film still where the TNG films have lost their lustre.

TUC - E

The only really bad TOS film. They twisted the characters to suit the story, the Enterprise crew were bigots all of a sudden. Meyer's martial Hornblower tendencies went over the top in this film, very Diane Carey. It's ridden with plot holes to a mind numbing extent, and the whole glasnost perestroika allegory means that this film has dated like none of the others.

GEN - D

Oh my God, They killed Kirk, You bastards! Contrived nonsense, probably the best cinematography in the Trek movie canon.

FC - C-

Zombie action flick, fun, but killed the Borg as a viable threat as established in TNG. Borg Queen my ass. Also led to Seven of Eleven and a whole slew of bad Voyager episodes (admittedly it's hard to tell them apart from good Voyager episodes)

INS - D-

Not a movie, just a TV ep shot in HD. Stupid joystick. Not much of an insurrection either. False advertising. See TSFS for an insurrection.

NEM - F

Still makes me throw up in my mouth a little. A turd of a film topped of with a Starfleet badge.

Star Trek (2009) E-

It's a dumb summer blockbuster with no intelligence whatsoever. It's crap, it's offal, it stinks, but it will draw you attention for two hours with the pretty colours and loud explosions, and it will release the right endorphins in the brain to convince you you had a good time watching it. Just don't try and think about it afterwards. Makes Independence Day look like Shakespeare. Makes Godzilla look esoteric. Would have cast Vin Diesel as Nero but he was too fucking highbrow!
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